The Secret Language of Money

If you've been reading this blog you know I've been expanding my study of the subject of "money" this year. We need to know how to manage our money beyond the nuts and bolts of budgets and retirement planning. Do you know why you have trouble getting past certain life long money patterns? To understand what's drives the bus of your challenging money behavior here's a story from "The Secret Language of Money" by David Kreuger MD.  Two anthropologists went to two separate yet identical ape colonies to live and observe for a year. After the anthropologists finished their year they compared notes. One had been accepted and assimilated into the colony, the other never was. They couldn't understand why - until one anthropologist admitted he had kept a gun with him. He never used it or showed it, but at some level, he knew it was there. The gun kept him from fully committing - it was his out.

Now, how does the anthropologists hidden gun relate to the story we make up and play out with money. Dr. Kreuger says our money stories are "the subconscious tale you tell yourself about who you are, what money means to you and what it says about you. Our money story isn't only about money. It's about everything." (Kreuger)

What does your money story say about you? Ask yourselves these questions:  1) What's the greatest annual income I can reasonably expect to earn?  $_____   2) What is the greatest annual income my money story will allow me to have?  $_____   Until you become aware of the story that lives underneath the way you operate with money, nothing will really change. Oh, you can create a budget, or tinker with affirmations, but I know from experience that until there's a deep inner shift created with awareness and new behaviors and practiced over time, your money story can't really change.  

Love or Hate Relationship with Money?

You may love the money in your life or hate it, but you are definitely in a relationship. Your relationship with your money could be healthy or unhealthy, conscious and involved or mostly ignored and avoided. Deborah Price says, “We have a relationship with anything we are connected to or dependent on.” Many of us don’t think about or evaluate our relationship with money though it touches our lives every single day. And, depending on how we treat our relationship with money, it can be our friend or foe because it mirrors back to us exactly what we put into the relationship. 

If you’re not sure what your relationship with money is try this short exercise:  Think about money and write down the first 5 words that come into your mind. As short as this list is, it will tell you something very quickly about whether the part of you that sits under the surface (your subconscious mind) views money as positive or negative. (And, it’s the subconscious mind that we need to understand because it often runs the money show especially in times of stress).

Let’s say the words were something like: scary, overwhelming, secretive, fun, never enough. I’m just making this up now, but if my relationship with money is influenced by this type of “shadow” energy which means what I really think that's under the surface, I may find myself going along just fine, not thinking much about money as long as things are stable. I also may spend money and keep it a secret from my partner because I don’t want them to get “mad” at me, or it’s my way of exerting some control with my husband. When a financial challenge comes along – blam – that feeling of overwhelm hits and I avoid dealing with the money problem, and we know how well that works, right?

So, now what? You may have a glimpse that there’s more to your relationship with money than just your paycheck or the bills you pay. Tune in tomorrow for how to understand your relationship with money by looking at your parents relationship with money. As Deborah Price says your ability to change your relationship with money lies in direct proportion to your level of consciousness or awareness about money. So, let's explore our money relationship.

Wealth Equals Power or Security?

Yesterday I had coffee with my friend Peggy Gardiner, a clutter and organizational consultant, who worked for 7 years as an estate manager (trained to manage the financial & personal affairs of the wealthy) and she something very interesting about how the wealthy view money. "The wealthy think money is about power and the working/middle class see it as security." Big difference, yes?

Let's look at some current economic statistics:  In 1998 there were 1 million who filed bankruptcy. (The Wealthy Spirit, Chellie Campbell)  There were over 4 million who filed bankruptcy from 2008 to today.  The credit card industry is a 550 billion a year business and nearly 50% of borrowers do not pay their balance in full each month. Fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce and money is the #1 conflict. People are working longer hours, but for less money. According to Social Security most people retire without enough money to maintain their lifestyle. (Wealthy Spirit) And, one last depressing stat., a 1997 Oppenheimer Fund study found 1 in 7 women in their fifties hadn't saved a dime for retirement.  What is wrong with this picture?

Maybe it's our view of money and maybe it's our view of what we deserve or not that creates problems. Part of the problem is how we think about money (or not), our beliefs, patterns & habits that are too often hidden from conscious view. We don't really explore or work to change our money patterns and so the dysfunctional behavior gets passed down from generation to generation.

How'd we get to the point where money has become so highly valued (we all say we want more of it and we equate lots of it with success) but we often act thoughtlessly (not saving, overspending, creating too much debt) as if we don't respect it much at all?  There's a lot of internal confusion about money.

Lynne Twist who wrote The Soul of Money says the word wealthy has at its roots well-being and is meant to connote not only large amounts of money, but also a rich and satisfying life. What does money mean to you? Write down the first 5 words that come to mind - don't censor or think too much. Are these words positive or negative? Think about your first money memory and how your parents were with money. How did this impact your own financial behaviors and decisions?  Let me know.