Unfinished Money Business: If Nothing Changes, Nothing Changes

If you struggle with money problems you're not alone. Don't just blame yourself, your spouse or your parents though, do something proactive. Because if you don't, you'll find yourself in the same place in a year or 5 or 10. If you're having the same issues with money you've been having for years it's time to look within. What do I mean by that? "Inner work" consists of taking the time to be introspective, ask yourself questions and listen for the answers. The old saying, "All the answers lie inside you," means that in order to access your inner wisdom you'll need  to give yourself time to explore. There is no right or wrong way to do so. Here are some suggestions to get you started.

Unfinished money business are the patterns, habits and convictions that get in the way of our financial health and well-being. We all want to have financial peace of mind, but we don't necessarily know how to get there. As a therapist and Certified Money Coach who struggled with money for years with my own money issues I love sharing what's helped me to develop a healthier relationship with money.

"The Apple Tree Exercise"  (From Mind Over Matter by Brad & Ted Klontz). Bring to mind an image of your mother or most important mother figure. On a piece of paper list 3 or more adjectives that describe your mother's behaviors around money: generous, impulsive, stingy, for example. Then list 3 or more things you can remember hearing her say about money and how it worked: "Nothing's too good for you," It's only money," etc. Write any beliefs she had about money. As you think about her background and money beliefs see if you can pull out the "money scripts" she lived by. For example:  "Money can be used to show love and to exert control." "Money's less important than having fun and enjoying life."  Do the same for your father or father figures.

Then go back to the adjectives that describe your mother/father and circle any words or phrases you believe are true about you. If you're up for it, ask someone that knows you well to check the lists and words circled for feedback.  As you can imagine, this "Apple Tree" exercise is designed to help you see how your money beliefs, patterns or habits didn't necessarily fall far from the parental tree. As you gain true inner awareness of your relationship with money when you make changes such as starting a retirement account, developing an emergency savings account, these behavior changes will "stick" better. 

Financial Stress Disorder Toxic for Health & Productivity

The American public is caught is a storm of financial fear. Who can blame them? The cost of living is up, home prices down, unemployment hovers at about 12% for the country, but here in the Central Valley nearly 18%. Many are working 2 or 3 jobs to keep food on the table and a roof over head. I heard the term Post Financial Stress Disorder (sorry, don't have author's name) and think it's a perfect fit for the severe economic  trauma that so many have experienced.

Financial stress like any other stress can become toxic. Dr. Pamela Peeke, National Institute of Health researcher and author of Fight Fat After 40, says toxic stress is unrelenting, chronic stress that begins to affect all parts of the body-mind and, especially for women, causes belly-fat weight gain. (That's another subject). I just talked to a woman client yesterday who lost her financial lifestyle 4 years ago. She doesn't sleep well, has heart palpitations, body aches, is extremely anxious and depressed. That's the story for millions of Americans.

How do we solve the financial stress problem? There's no quick-fix solution here. One thing though is to let go of guilt and shame about where you're at. Yes, part of it is your responsibility and part of it is a big societal challenge around the division of wealth. According to David DeGraw (The Richest 1% article) America had the highest inequality of wealth in the industrialized world before 2008 and it's worse now.

For daily stress management self-care is essential. Though it may sound simplistic, there's strong research to support, deep belly breathing as a way to lesson the effects of stress. I've been teaching stress management for 20 years and am known as "The Breathing Queen" in my networking groups.  Breathing calms the body and when the body is calm, the mind follows which allows better decision making.

Recipe:  3 X a day for 30 days take 10-20 breaths in this way: Breathe in through your nose to the count of 6, hold for a moment, exhale out nose to count of 6. Easy, cheap, helpful. Like anything have to practice to make it a positive habit.