Just Like Overeating, Bad Money Habits Can Be Changed – There’s an APP!

Losing weight and keeping it off has always been tough. But bad spending habits can be just as challenging and destructive. Now there are Apps like Urge or Make a Habit, Break a Habit (see below) to make it easier to stay on track with behavior changes.

What kind of bad money habits do you have?  Are you an unconscious spender or compulsive shopper? Do you go to the mall and two hours later have bags of purchases and you can't remember what exactly you paid for them?  Are you a secret shopper? And, I don’t mean the kind that’s hired by Safeway to check up on their customer service. I mean do you sneak your purchases home when your husband is busy and hide them so you don’t feel guilty, or get grilled? Do you struggle to maintain a budget or is budget a word you haven’t yet acquainted yourself with?

Changing our habits is not for the weak willed. We need help. Like poor spending habits, food, weight and exercise habits have been particularly tough to change long term. But Behavorial Modification programs are getting positive attention again and are based on making small incremental changes that build progress over time. You may be surprised to know that Weight Watchers is basically a behavorial modification program and it’s one of the most effective.

For those of you that have a money problem there are apps like Lose It, or Make a Habit, Break a Habit which lets users choose the behavior they’d like to change, like shopping less, or Urge, which “prompts users to hold off on impulse purchases to hit budgeting goals.”

These Apps are exciting, cool and they work because they improve on the principles of good ol’ 12 Step Programs – support, feedback, slow steady changes and the good feelings that come with healthy change.  (The Perfected Self by David H Freedman, The Atlantic June 2012)

Stop Holiday Overspending Stress

The Holidays can be loads of fun and terrifically stressful. For women, it's all the extra work to do; shopping, wrapping, parties to plan, cooking and family to be around that may trigger old feelings.

To cope with stressful feelings, some women shop more, spend more and eat more. (Yes, women also overeat to cope with stress.)

Do you love to shop and buy? Are the Holidays a great excuse to do so? Notice if you can relate to these questions and please don't beat yourself up if you do.1) Do you overspend or overshop frequently? 2) Overspend though you can't afford to? 3) Do you shop, buy or overspend as the major way to deal with negative feelings like anxiety, anger, lonliness?  Remember this, you're not alone.

According to experts on you may be suffering from Compulsive Buying Disorder*. Though only a small percentage of the population has the actual disorder and I view addictive behaviors on a continuum (imagine a straight  line across the page) with one end of the continuum those that have no compulsive spending or addictive shopping issues and the other end those whose lives are unmanageable. If you're at the extreme end you're experiencing things like relationship problems (because of debt or money behaviors), money problems, or work issues.  You probably also feel a lot of guilt, but don't know how to stop the behavior. For those that fit here, take a breath, and please deal with the problem, because it's not going to go away. There are therapists online, online support groups and therapists in your area. Use google or ask friends.

For those of you in the middle of the continuum that relate to overspending due to stress or the pressures of the holidays here are a couple things you can do.  1)  Look at money available in your checking or savings account. 2) Make a list of who you're going to buy for and use only the budgeted amount. 3) Stick to the list and take it with you when you go shopping. 4) Try to shop early in the day when your energy is good. 5) If you need to, take a friend with you that knows you're trying to stick to a budget. And, remember, changing behavior requires practice.  Happy Holidays and you can email me at lynntelfordsahl@gmail.com to let me know how you do.

*Uncontrolled Spending: A Clinician’s Guide to Compulsive Buying Ronald J. Faber, University of Minnesota 

Women: Are You a Compulsive Spender?

Are You a Compulsive Spender?    

Take this short quiz*:

1) Do you shop, (in stores or on the net) to escape feeling stressed**, bored, lonely, empty, defeated, angry or scared?

2) After a setback or disappointment, does it feel like spending money will help you feel better? (It does, temporarily.)

3) Does your shopping or spending create conflicts for you, or between you and others?

4) When you shop or buy something, does your mood change?

5) Are you unable to enjoy your purchases because you feel guilty or bad?

If you answered YES to any of these you may be using money or shopping as a way to regulate your feelings or self-esteem.

First of all, good for you for taking time to get honest. Have you tried any of these to change your behavior? Promised to never overspend again to a spouse or yourself? Cut up your credit cards? One woman froze hers. That’s a pretty good in-between strategy and works similarly to not keeping sweets in the house when dieting and slowing down the time between "gotta have it" and buying creates more choice).

But creating superficial limitations are bandaids on spending problems. The real solution comes from dealing with the feelings that are driving the behavior and by being willing to explore your relationship with money.

Try this:  Next time you want to shop put the PAUSE BUTTON** into effect and check in with yourself before you go shopping. Ask: Am I stressed, bored, or anxious?  If so, about what?  Notice where in your body you the feelings are – belly, head, heart? Then take 10 deep breaths and with each exhale imagine breathing out the uncomfortable feelings.  Then, decide if you want to shop or not, and try to stay conscious of how much your budget allows.  Next Step: Find out what drives your money story.

Is Shopping Till You Drop a Problem?

Is Shopping Till You Drop a Problem? Ever shopped because you're stressed or anxious? To distract yourself from problems or after a fight with your spouse? Because you're bored, lonely? Do you shop every day? What would happened if you didn't? What do you imagine you're really going for when you shop? (What feeling are you trying to deal with, deny or fill?)

I'm one of those odd women who don't like to shop, but I know women who shop every day. It's their go-to stress reliever. Consumerism drives our economy so perhaps we should thank these women. But some of these are compulsive buyers who are addicted to the high and the illusion of relief they get from heading out to the mall, getting the attention from the clerks, placing their purchases in the bag and stepping out of their problems, even for a couple hours. Some of these have lost control of the choice to shop or not, and are suffering with guilt, shame, debt and relationship problems.

April Lane Bensen, editor of "I Shop, There I Am" says 5% of the U.S. population are compulsive shoppers. A Merck Family Fund poll found that 72% of Americans say people (other people, of course) buy things as a substitute for something missing in their lives. Don't you wonder what the NEED is that's being filled by shopping?

Compulsive buying is defined as "purchasing that becomes a primary response to negative feelings and that provides immediate short-term gratification, but will ultimately cause harm to the individual and others." (Ronald J. Farber, University Minn.)

If you're wondering if your shopping is a problem ask yourself a few questions - gently, by the way:

Do I get preoccupied with thinking about or actually buying?

Am I spending more than I can afford to?

Do I have debt (from buying) but that doesn't stop my shopping?

Do I hide my purchases or the amount I'm spending from my partner?

Is my buying behavior causing problems in my relationships?

If you answered yes to many of these questions, are you ready to start dealing with the this problem? Unfortunately, depending on where you're at on the continuum of addictive behavior, it won't go away on it's own.

I recommend April Lane Benson's To Buy or Not to Buy: Why We Overshop and How to Stop or Intentional JOY: How to Turn Stress, Fear & Addiction into Freedom by myself.