Taxes & Stress: 5 Steps to Simplify and Soothe

Taxes and stress go together like death and taxes. No wonder we get stressed and put off the pain as long as possible. Stress amps up our fight/flight alarm system. Breathing – even 5 or 6 breaths stimulates the relaxation response and both systems can’t be active at the same time.

No wonder we avoid doing the things we KNOW we SHOULD be doing. But make a VOW to yourself to follow these simple and key guidelines to make Tax Season easier next year.

The Inner Procrastinator is quieted with baby action steps along the way. Baby-steps feels doable and build confidence and STOPS the avoider in her tracks. We all have to do our taxes, eventually and if you're a woman in business, you don't want the stress or weight of back taxes weighing you down with guilt.

5 Steps to Simplify and Soothe:*

1)   Gather Your Records In One Place: This includes mortgage payment receipts, medical bills, donations, expenses. Designate a file folder. Start NOW.

2)   Expenses – Especially if you’re Self-Employed. Have a TAX FILE with a folder or file for receipts.

For example: When I take a prospect to lunch or coffee as soon as I get home I write the name of the person on the receipt and file immediately. 

If Self-employed Medical, Dental or long-term care Insurance is deductable.

TAX TIP for Self-Employed: Business expenses must be ordinary and necessary to be eligible for deduction. Ordinary is expense common in your field. Necessary is one helpful and appropriate for your business.

3)   Use Quickbooks for easy reporting or hire a bookkeeper and ask her/him for reports each month so you know your numbers throughout the year and how much to be saving for quarterly taxes year end.

4)   Britany suggests keeping up-to date on tax laws but I would be totally overwhelmed by that. If at all possible, hire a tax preparer or use the Quickbook reports each month and then give a year-to-date to your Tax Person.

5)   Retirement Plans:  Up to 40% of women retire in poverty. Sad fact and social security isn’t enough to maintain a decent lifestyle.

ESSENTIAL MONEY STEP:  If you don’t already have a retirement plan START ONE this year. Ask your friends and colleagues for a reputable planner or advisor. A planner has more education and initials after their name and look at the big future picture.

I recommend looking for women planners / advisors in your area – meeting with 2 or 3 and then making a decision. One of my 30 something clients started saving $250.00 a month last year automatically. She said she’s not missing it and if she doesn’t touch it, by the time she’s ready to retire she’ll have a good next egg. Another started with $25.00, but in 6 months will up it by 10%. That’s great because it’s building a habit.

We get more overwhelmed when we’re not prepared. Start NOW for 2015 Tax time and you’ll be happier and more peaceful. It's the best gift you can give yourself - and then treat yourself to a new pair of shoes?

**Adapted from Britney Castro, CFP, CRPC  article posted at LearnVest.com 15 Tax Saving Tips You Can Take Now

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Certified Money & Business Coach, Professional Speaker & author, Lynn Telford-Sahl, writes the weekly PowerUP Your Money blog for women in sales and small business. If you’re ready to PowerUP your Money, your Business & your JOY get your FREE Financiial Strategy Session with Lynn at www.powerupyourmoney.com or take The Money Quiz to find out your Money Strengths & Challenges.

Shopping & Loneliness: A Perfect Match

Shopping and loneliness go together like a perfectly matched pair of shoes. I was having lunch with two business women friends yesterday and I asked them what they saw as money challenges women face.  "When I'm stressed I shop. It makes me happy, sort of." My other friend said, "I eat and it's comforting, but then I feel guilty." Shopping, food - Bingo.  Quick Relief - then guilt!

Our busy, on the go lives are stressful. We look for relief at the end of the day. Sometimes that relief is a glass of wine (or two or three), but often for women it's shopping. With the shopping channels and the internet, we don't even have to leave home.  We can have that glass of wine and point and click those purchases.

I've heard LOTS of women talk about the rush or thrill of buying and then the let down and guilt afterwards. The question I believe is important to ask is this:  What are you really going for when you have that glass of wine or hit the click button to buy?  Is it fun, peace of mind, connection? And, what else can you do to feel better?

When I used to drink excessively (over 30 years ago) I hung out in bars. Loved it. Fun. But what I realized as I was growing myself up was what I had been going for was connection with people because I was lonely.

Well, guess what? Research shows that while we hope that shopping will make us happier (after all, isn't that what advertisements show?) and less lonely, it actually increases loneliness. "..a fixation on "stuff" - especially around the holiday season - is usually blamed on an overly consumerist culture...." But the study suggests it's more a symptom of individual alienation - loneliness!  (* The Insatiable Shopper - Agata Blaszcak-Boxer - Atlantic)  

What to do?  If we're lonely, stressed or anxious and we shop or drink a glass or wine we bump up our feel good chemicals - the endorphins, temporarily.  Though you feel better in the short term, it's not a lasting fix. Break out of your comfort zone and reach out to friends if you're lonely, give to others - volunteer time or money, (according to Happy Money authors both of these activities increases happiness). But, never, ever give money to someone you meet through a chat room. (Another time I'll write about this money NO NO for vulnerable, lonely women.)

Check out FREE Money Webinars to shift stress and anxiety into Freedom!!  http://lynntelfordsahl.com/womens-inner-money-game-free/

Financial Struggle Can Become Desperation: How to Help

Financial struggle can become desperation and did with a friend of mine. About a month ago, on a Tuesday morning I got the kind of call you never want to get. A woman friend had ended her life over the weekend. I was shocked and the news hit me hard. While Deb and I hadn’t been living in the same area for years she always lived in my heart. Because of the economy the last few years, we knew Deb had, like so many others been struggling financially.  

Laid off from one job she had a great deal of trouble finding another. She was skilled, but over 50 and if you think ageism isn't happening, you're wrong.  Rumor was she may not have always had enough to eat or been able to pay her bills. Then she found another job and things seemed better – until she was fired the Friday before taking her life. I can only imagine the fear, perhaps embarrassment,  and hopelessness Deb was feeling at that moment. And, then she made a decision many make in the moment of desperation. 

But, Deb is not the only woman (or man – perhaps even harder for men to reach out to get help) suffering financially and suffering with the guilt, shame or blame of believing it’s their fault.

Over 24 million women were living below the poverty line in 2009

27.5 % of black women live under poverty line

13.5% of white women in 2009

In Nov 2013 in the State of California food stamp and welfare money was cut. One of my clients lost $100.00 a month from her disability and about $30 a month from food stamps.  That's a BIG net loss for someone barely scraping by.

35% of households headed by single moms were “food insecure”

13% of women over 75 were poor compared to 5% of men over 75

Only 40% of women retire with enough money to live on. More women by far retire in poverty than men.

A working wage based on the minimum wage of 8.50 an hour = 17,000 a year – that’s considered below the poverty line.

2010 31.6 % of single women households were poor compared to 15.8 of households headed by single men

How we do help someone who may be in Deb's position? We reach out and past their embarassment or shame with kindness and gentleness by not asking, but just bringing food over for a get together, leaving an envelope with cash for bills, and letting them know we're there for them until they get on their feet again. One person can't solve every problem but a group of friends can make a big difference.  I don't think many knew Deb's suffering - she was very private. We ask our connections and friends about job possibilities and try to support the person through the aloneness of struggle. 

The larger question is how do we change financial struggle and poverty? Think about it and come up with your answers, but here are a few of mine:  

1) We must educate ourselves about money, (there are TONS of resources FREE on the web)

2) Vote our conscience with compassion for those less fortunate

3) Reach out to friends and family if we get the sense they’re struggling more than they are able to say.

4) Collectively: A simple thing we can do is vote for a higher minimum wage to help more people out of poverty. When people are living in poverty they can't spend money on consumer goods as they're able to when more secure.  

Winter Money Blues? Zip Right Out of Them!

Winter Money Blues? Zip Right Out of Them! Whether you're business women, or stay at home moms, it's the third dreary, cold, gray week of January. Christmas bills are coming in, the budget was blown, the spending high of December long forgotten and tax time is right around the corner. No wonder January is the longest month of the year.

Remember, we nearly always survive January anyway, but here's how to speed up the financial peace process.

1) Give yourself 1 hour or 1 day (depending on your needs) to REALLY feel the sadness, depression, angst of your situation. Moan, groan, complain, vent, cry, yell.  Go into it and when that allotted time is complete - move on.

2) Financially Assess where you're at:  Pull your ostrich head out of wherever it's been and take stock. Look at all the bills, count up the money owed, make a list of what's due, when.

3) Make decisions. You've got the list of money coming in and bills due. What's the loudest bill? What can you pay on it. Go down the list. Prioritize.

4) Send the payments. No matter how few or how small, actually sending the payments out feels good.  

5) Congratulate yourself - Ta-Dah. "I did it."  Call a friend and share. Feel good about the progress rather than always striving for perfection.  There now -  it's nearly February!

As a woman in business, who is also a Certified Money Coach, I know what it's like to struggle with money and how good it feels to take charge.  Financial peace and health come with focus, prioritizing and persistence. Here's to you!

Money Stress: 3 Tips to Feel Better

What’s the top reason for divorce? Money problems. And, money stress, is the number 1 stressor for 80% of Americans. Symptoms include:

Headaches, depression, heart attacks, muscle tension and back pain and ulcers and digestive problems.  Notfun.

But what exactly is stressing you about your money situation? Pick your top stressor:  Debt, lack of income, not saving enough, fights with your partner, just not knowing where to begin?

Tip 1: Talk About Money

Especially for women, talking about what’s really going on lightens the load and makes you realize you’re not alone.  As I give presentations about money to women in business I hear over and over about the struggles with money. Until we talk about what’s going on we FEEL we’re the only one.  Find a friend or family member to confide in. If there isn’t one available, I offer a FREE 15 minute consult (LINK HERE209 492-8745 or email me lynntelfordsahl@gmail.com)

Stress Busting Breakthrough Tip:

Tip 2: BREATHE  I know, I know. Breathing won’t CHANGE your money situation, but when the body relaxes the mind relaxes and solutions become more clear. 

Here’s How:  Exhale first. Breathe in the to the count of 6, hold for a moment and exhale to the count of 6. Take 10 breaths at least 3 x a day.  I’ve taught breathing as stress reduction for over 20 years and it’s the #1 most effective tip. It’s FREE, can be done anytime, anywhere.

Tip 3:  Create a Plan:  You have to start somewhere. Get the bill folder out, the credit card slips. Tally up what you owe.  Now you know. It may not be pretty, but not knowing often creates more anxiety. Next step? Figure out what you can pay weekly or monthly – better to pay something than nothing.  LearnVest.com is a terrific website for financial help. Feel a little better?

Money, The Super Bowl & Gotta Have A Big Screen TV!

Television companies LOVE Super Bowl Month. That's when 4.5 million of you bought new big screen TV sets in 2011, which was up from 3.6 million in 2010. Now, here's the question: If you're impulsively buying a new TV this season, are you more likely to use credit or pay cash? And, which part of your brain do you think is in charge of this decision - your logical neocortex or your more emotional midbrain? And why could the latter be a huge problem? (Well, not for the credit card companies.)

Before I answer those questions, think about this:  *"Would you rather have $15 in two weeks or $20 in four weeks?" According to fMRI brain imaging scans taken while the person is pondering, this question lights up your prefrontal cortex because it asks you to project into the future. But this next question:  "Would you rather have $15 now or $20 in 2 days?" shows that the logical ignores that question and the primitive brain lights up. This is why we get into big trouble as consumers. If we want something and we want it NOW we will have it. Just CHARGE IT, right?

Of course we all know that consumer debt is a problem that creates strife and struggle. For you Cpa’s or Financial Advisors this piece around emotional decisions vs. logical is key when you’re advising your clients to save and invest in their future. Saving for the future is a prefrontal logical decision. Unfortunately, the emotional brain is all too often in charge.  We all know of someone (cough, cough) who know they SHOULD be saving for their future or be adding money into their 401K. But the immediate reward of NOW wins out. 

To help keep your logical brain in charge of major decisions, Dr. Krueger says to avoid making important money decisions when you're emotional or too tired, wait and sleep on big decisions and have a plan that you STICK to. There's an acronym from 12 Step Programs: HALT: which means to avoid getting too hungry, angry, longely or tired because these are vulnerable states of mind. 

(*from The Secret Language of Money, David Krueger, M.D.) 

Overspending and Overeating – Can You Ever Get Enough?

Overspending and Overeating: Can you ever get enough? No, not to "make you happy, except temporarily." Did you overspend or overeat during the Holidays? More than usual? Are you not surprised to learn that these two behaviors often go together in the same female? “Compulsive shopping or spending can be a seasonal balm for the depression, anxiety and lonelineness during the December holiday season.”(Professor Ruth Engs, RN, EdD, Indiana University)

We may laugh at the term Shopoholics, and it was treated lightly in the movie by the same name. But overspending, like overeating, can be as serious a problem as any of the “isms” such as alcoholism. How much is enough when it comes to spending and eating and what exactly are we trying to accomplish with our indulgences? Pick your answer: To be social, to have fun, to avoid or distract ourselves from uncomfortable feelings, to feel better? The first two choices can be guilt free, the third one gets us in trouble because it works only temporarily. Then? We compulsively repeat the behavior, hoping to feel better, or to get high, to avoid all those uncomfortable feelings that come up in life.

Gently ask yourself these questions. They’re meant to help you understand more about your eating and spending:

Did you throw all rules for how much to eat or a spending budget out the window and really overindulge? If so, are you feeling guilt or remorse? Or wondering how to get back on track? Do you have other ways to soothe uncomfortable feelings that don’t have a downside – such as exercise, talking to a friend who’ll tell you the truth, journaling, yoga, a coach or counselor?

Overeating and overspending are behaviors that often go together. Here are suggestions to start the New Year off right, get back on track and have a more conscious Holiday season in 2012:

1)    Gently take responsibility for the overindulgences: Tally up the weight gain and amount of money owed.

2)    Make a realistic plan – A) How much weight am I going to lose by what date? 1 pound a week is realistic – avoid drastic diet loss programs – they don’t work long term. B) What amount of money can I put toward paying off my credit cards each month? C) How will I hold myself accountable? For weight – have an accountability partner, join Weight Watchers or Food Addicts Anonymous? For debt – take a financial awareness course like Dave Ramsey, or speak with a money coach (like myself). 

3)    Understand that the drivers of compulsivity are often feelings. Feelings of anxiety, depression, STRESS that are normal parts of life. Learn to go into those feelings safely, preferably daily. An easy to use guide is TARA (Touch, Accept, Release, Action) available as a FREE download at www.coachingformodesto.com on right side of page. (from Intentional JOY: How to Turn Stress, Fear & Addiction into Freedom 2009)  

Stop Holiday Overspending Stress

The Holidays can be loads of fun and terrifically stressful. For women, it's all the extra work to do; shopping, wrapping, parties to plan, cooking and family to be around that may trigger old feelings.

To cope with stressful feelings, some women shop more, spend more and eat more. (Yes, women also overeat to cope with stress.)

Do you love to shop and buy? Are the Holidays a great excuse to do so? Notice if you can relate to these questions and please don't beat yourself up if you do.1) Do you overspend or overshop frequently? 2) Overspend though you can't afford to? 3) Do you shop, buy or overspend as the major way to deal with negative feelings like anxiety, anger, lonliness?  Remember this, you're not alone.

According to experts on you may be suffering from Compulsive Buying Disorder*. Though only a small percentage of the population has the actual disorder and I view addictive behaviors on a continuum (imagine a straight  line across the page) with one end of the continuum those that have no compulsive spending or addictive shopping issues and the other end those whose lives are unmanageable. If you're at the extreme end you're experiencing things like relationship problems (because of debt or money behaviors), money problems, or work issues.  You probably also feel a lot of guilt, but don't know how to stop the behavior. For those that fit here, take a breath, and please deal with the problem, because it's not going to go away. There are therapists online, online support groups and therapists in your area. Use google or ask friends.

For those of you in the middle of the continuum that relate to overspending due to stress or the pressures of the holidays here are a couple things you can do.  1)  Look at money available in your checking or savings account. 2) Make a list of who you're going to buy for and use only the budgeted amount. 3) Stick to the list and take it with you when you go shopping. 4) Try to shop early in the day when your energy is good. 5) If you need to, take a friend with you that knows you're trying to stick to a budget. And, remember, changing behavior requires practice.  Happy Holidays and you can email me at lynntelfordsahl@gmail.com to let me know how you do.

*Uncontrolled Spending: A Clinician’s Guide to Compulsive Buying Ronald J. Faber, University of Minnesota 

Women: Addicted to Stress, Fear & Money?

Ever spend money to calm the stress of a hectic, demanding week? Or grabbed your second Starbucks of the day because you deserve something good? These are examples of what we do to make ourselves feel better when the brain is stressed. We humans like to "think" we are so rational, but don't believe it. Stress makes us much more vulnerable to making less than good decisions. Hello weight gain and expanding credit card debt!

But are we addicted to stress and fear? "The more we reach for the doughnut (the Starbucks, the new shoes) without being conscious of how we're feeling - anxious, stressed, unhappy- the more we cement in the fear that's driven us to reach for it in the first place. In fact, the more we deny our fears with distractions, the more compulsive we become." (Lynn T.S. Intentional JOY)

Ted and Brad Klontz state that the human brain under stress is like a tilted table. Anxiety and fear make us feel off-balance and the brain then looks for ways to rebalance. (Mind Over Money.) Of course, our advertiser based, consumer culture supplies us with plenty of suggestions (commercials anyone?) that sit under the surface waiting for the perfect moment - Friday night, kids fighting in the back seat, dinner to be prepared at home - blam - McDonalds here we come.

An important thing to remember is none of this is really bad or wrong. We are human, flawed and imperfect. That's the deal. We also have choice. It's ok to want to calm, soothe and comfort ourselves. But, how? The gift of being human is that we have the ability to wake up, to become conscious and to practice new behavior. Think about this: Imagine the consequences of more healthy stress relievers? Yoga, breathing, a walk, a talk with a friend are all proven stress busting, brain calming methods that don't leave a residue of guilt. Or, do you continue to seek the easy solution and end up feeling worse over the long run? Start with baby steps. Awareness there's a problem is that first step.

Americans Are Addicted to Fear

Americans are addicted to fear and here's one story about why. A cute, athletic teen was running near her home. She noticed a car following a short distance behind her. As she paused to look at the car, three scary looking men got out and started after her. She ran around a corner and hid, then went to a neighbors and called 911. The police apprehended the men - all registered sex offenders. How often does this type of event happen? Not nearly as much as the media would have us believe. Bear with me for a moment and read to the end to find out if this story is true or not.

When we hear a story like the one above, we extrapolate to all the dangerous things that could happen to our children or our loved ones. James Breckenridge, a professor of psychology at Stanford University, says that... "negative information is stickier because the brain pays more attention to anything that appears threatening." What we don't focus on are all the safe children. From a positive view of this situation, this young woman knew what to do. She was aware of her surroundings and she immediately sought help. Carrying a cell phone is an extra precaution.

"If it bleeds, it leads" headlines encourage us to believe that we live in a much more dangerous world than ever before. In our current “Culture of Fear,” as the author Barry Glassner states, the average person believes crime has increased in the U.S., while it actually plunged in the 1990s and is today about where it was in the 1970s.

The new brain science demonstrates that the brain’s neural pathways are stimulated by repeated emotions. The more we feel afraid, stressed, or sad, the more susceptible we become to those states.  Over time these feelings become habituated.  Much like the alcoholic who can’t stop drinking, the news or drama/trauma junkie, gets a sort of high.

 What's the solution? Awareness and retraining our attention to seek out the positive. The above story is true and happened to a young teen in Stanislaus County. As a child of 7 I was molested by a stranger in my neighborhood. What research shows though, is that most children are hurt not by strangers, but by people they know.

In the 60s we weren't taught about how to protect ourselves. Fear serves a purpose when it's protective without limiting our ability to trust and connect. Our greatest power is CHOICE and awareness is the first step.