Won't More Money Will Solve All My Problems?

"If I just had more money, my problems would be solved." According to Brad Klontz." (author of academic study, "Money Beliefs and Financial Behaviors: Development of the Klontz Money Script Inventory," published in The Journal of Financial Therapy)  most Americans fall into this money belief pattern.

Our self-worth and our net-worth are very intertwined in American culture and our money beliefs are for the most part unexplored and below the surface of awareness. Have you ever overreacted to a financial situation like your spouse asking you something about the household finances and wondered, "What just happened?"  I know I have. That reaction is tied to your unexplored money beliefs, habits, attitudes and patterns.

The Klontz Study says there are four categories of "money scripts": money avoidance, money worship, money status and money vigilance.

Those of us who avoid money distance ourselves from money. (I used to, but no more). They stick their head in the sand, may abuse credit cards, believe they don't deserve to have money and can sabotage themselves and not understand why.

Then there's a money worship group that believe more money or a windfall will solve all my problems. They are status oriented. They will use credit cards to buy to impress others. Anxiety and status can cause people in this group to take  financial risks.

Understanding and exploring your money beliefs and how these affect the financial stress in your life and how you make financial decisions is life changing. Every money coaching client I've worked with has made belief and attitude shifts in the middle of the coaching process because of the light bulbs of awareness that occur. That's exciting and empowering.

Klontz doesn't let people off the hook regarding the homes they bought and couldn't really afford. He says don't blame Wall Street, but "...what led you to buy a house you couldn't afford?" I don't believe in letting the banks off the hook though.

To understand your money attitudes, beliefs and behaviors more read Mind Over Money by the Klontz's or my favorite: Money Magic by Deborah Price.

Is Shopping Till You Drop a Problem?

Is Shopping Till You Drop a Problem? Ever shopped because you're stressed or anxious? To distract yourself from problems or after a fight with your spouse? Because you're bored, lonely? Do you shop every day? What would happened if you didn't? What do you imagine you're really going for when you shop? (What feeling are you trying to deal with, deny or fill?)

I'm one of those odd women who don't like to shop, but I know women who shop every day. It's their go-to stress reliever. Consumerism drives our economy so perhaps we should thank these women. But some of these are compulsive buyers who are addicted to the high and the illusion of relief they get from heading out to the mall, getting the attention from the clerks, placing their purchases in the bag and stepping out of their problems, even for a couple hours. Some of these have lost control of the choice to shop or not, and are suffering with guilt, shame, debt and relationship problems.

April Lane Bensen, editor of "I Shop, There I Am" says 5% of the U.S. population are compulsive shoppers. A Merck Family Fund poll found that 72% of Americans say people (other people, of course) buy things as a substitute for something missing in their lives. Don't you wonder what the NEED is that's being filled by shopping?

Compulsive buying is defined as "purchasing that becomes a primary response to negative feelings and that provides immediate short-term gratification, but will ultimately cause harm to the individual and others." (Ronald J. Farber, University Minn.)

If you're wondering if your shopping is a problem ask yourself a few questions - gently, by the way:

Do I get preoccupied with thinking about or actually buying?

Am I spending more than I can afford to?

Do I have debt (from buying) but that doesn't stop my shopping?

Do I hide my purchases or the amount I'm spending from my partner?

Is my buying behavior causing problems in my relationships?

If you answered yes to many of these questions, are you ready to start dealing with the this problem? Unfortunately, depending on where you're at on the continuum of addictive behavior, it won't go away on it's own.

I recommend April Lane Benson's To Buy or Not to Buy: Why We Overshop and How to Stop or Intentional JOY: How to Turn Stress, Fear & Addiction into Freedom by myself.