Fifty Shades of Green – Attn: Women in Business

Attention Women in Business: What’s a bigger discussion taboo around the dinner table?  (Adult dinner table, of course) Money or sex? No doubt about it, money.

If you’re a woman you’ve probably read “Fifty Shades of Grey” and have been talking about it with your friends. But I bet you haven’t talked about Fifty Shades of Green – a more important (but less lustful) topic to your bottom line than the characters of Christian Grey or Anastasia Steele could ever be. 

Isn't it hard to talk about money? It’s stressful and sometimes scary. Money in the world of Fifty Shades is full of fun and fantasy – palatial apartments, new cars given to girlfriends, helicopter rides for first dates. (Hello handsome, sexy Christian Grey). For us mortals though, money is hard to tell the truth about because we always think others know more than we do, or that they’re doing better than us. (Probably not true – and you can’t tell by what size house your friend lives in or how much shopping they do).  In the real world, money is mundane, boring, and sometimes darn right uncomfortable – you know all those bills we’re not paying.

But if you really want to be a successful woman in business you need to talk about money – with your spouse, with your business partners, and yes, with your girlfriends. Not shopping talk, but real financial talk. Here are some questions to get you started:  1) What are your top money stressors? 2) Who is your financial advisor and is it a woman? 3) Without talking specific numbers – are you making the money you want to be making?  4) What’s the biggest obstacle to making the money you’d like?  5) What wildly fun thing would you like to do when you have more money?  (Notice I said when, not if). Let’s make money talk less stressful and more JOYful and help ourselves and help each other succeed AND read exciting, sexy novels.

Taxes & Fear Go Hand in Hand for Women in Business

Why do women in business make themselves so crazy with the fear, avoidance and resistance to paying taxes? We know they’re due a year ahead of time. Yet, we procrastinate up until the last day. A hundred years ago if you didn’t pay your taxes you could be hauled off to the poor house. While that’s not the case any longer, as April 17th approaches I notice a strong whiff of anxiety as I’m out networking and talking with women business owners. It’s hard to not get caught up in fear when it’s so prevalent. But, of course we don’t talk about that feeling of fear in the air. We put on a game smile, pretend as if everything is just FINE and struggle in silence because we think others know so much more or are doing so much better than we are.  Not the case.

As a life and business coach talking to women in business every day a couple of things are clear. One – when you’re self-employed the goal has to be to SAVE enough over the year to be able to pay your tax bill at the end of the year. But many don’t. They’re caught up in daily survival, often are just making ends meet and don’t know how to develop a longer-term perspective.  Others get caught in the vicious loop of paying BACK taxes, which makes it doubly hard to pay this years taxes. Ow! And then you have folks that earn plenty, but don’t save a thing because they just don’t manage their money well. As Robert Kiyosaki, of Rich Dad Poor Dad fame says, “It’s not how much money you make. It’s how much money you keep.”  That comes home to roost as we get older.

Second, the economy has wounded the heart and soul of many women (and men) in business. Losing a house, having to file for bankruptcy, downsizing your life and expectations takes its toll. Sometimes it’s hard to imagine things getting better. But imagine and work towards this, we must.

So then the question is – how do you deal with money fears that create avoidance and exaggerate money troubles? I know you’re not going to like this but the answer is to courageously look at the facts as they relate to your money situation and create a plan to deal with it. Get help if necessary. Women in business: we get past fear by confronting what makes us afraid and by taking the daily right action necessary to stay conscious of what’s happening with our money. As Suze Orman says: “Every money challenge can be solved by the person you see in the mirror.”

Women in Business: What’s Your Greatest Money Challenge?

What do women in business consider their biggest money challenge?  I conducted a survey last week to get feedback on that money question and others. In response to:  “What’s your greatest challenge with money” - not surprisingly the two highest responses by percentage were “not enough” and “not saving enough for the future.”  When women replied to what the reason was for the lack of money 55% said they were focused on surviving today, followed up by 23% “not saving or investing for the future.” 

I understand the whole focused on today reality. Been there. Especially when raising a family, working like a maniac and trying to squeeze a little fun out of life. When I talk with young women especially, too many aren’t saving ANYTHING for their future. But, they’ll take $40.00 and blow it on a meal out, a new purse, beauty products (look in your bathroom drawers and see how much money is sitting in there!!)

In order to change the “not enough money” piece we have to take Action – preferably NOW.  I’m not a financial advisor, I’m a Money Coach with a 20 years in the field of Psychology & Addiction.  I know it FEELS good in the moment to BUY something, but take a breath, think about whether that purchase is going to do anything for you when you’re 70 or 80 and right NOW start an investment account or a savings account with an automatic deduction of $20-50 a month. You won’t miss it and in ten years those beauty products will be dust and you’ll have money saved!!  

Women in Business Don’t Take Enough Financial Risks

Is it true that women in business don’t take the financial risks necessary to get ahead? We know that women still earn only 78 cents on the dollar compared to men and though there are plenty of women middle managers, there are dismally few at the CEO level. According to Lois P Frankel, author of Nice Girls Don’t Get Rich, these are symptoms that reflect the social training girls and young women receive about “doing good and being nice” over getting ahead. Making money and being the good girl, wife, or employee can be in direct opposition to a path of power and women will often pick the path of least resistance. Though understandable, this is not a great strategy for your bottom line, (and I don’t mean the bottom you sit on). This is especially true as women move into their retirement years.

What are the risks women should be taking?  To name a very few: 1) starting a new business or 2) investing in real estate or the market or 3) NOT giving their adult children money to bail them out of self-induced situations. This last one is a huge money mistake for women and pops up all the time with my Money Coaching clients.

Women in Business: Here are a couple questions to think about to give you Financial Peace:  1) Where do I sit on the risk continuum? Am I fairly conservative, risk aversive and so need to work for someone and get a steady paycheck? Or am I ready to leap tall “start my own company” buildings, and get sound business help to do so? 

2) What risk am I willing to take in 2012? It could be as simple writing down all your purchases for thirty days. As Ellen the talk show host says in her new book: Seriously, I’m Kidding, (paraphrasing) “Stretching is more than doing yoga, it’s taking risks.”

Won't More Money Will Solve All My Problems?

"If I just had more money, my problems would be solved." According to Brad Klontz." (author of academic study, "Money Beliefs and Financial Behaviors: Development of the Klontz Money Script Inventory," published in The Journal of Financial Therapy)  most Americans fall into this money belief pattern.

Our self-worth and our net-worth are very intertwined in American culture and our money beliefs are for the most part unexplored and below the surface of awareness. Have you ever overreacted to a financial situation like your spouse asking you something about the household finances and wondered, "What just happened?"  I know I have. That reaction is tied to your unexplored money beliefs, habits, attitudes and patterns.

The Klontz Study says there are four categories of "money scripts": money avoidance, money worship, money status and money vigilance.

Those of us who avoid money distance ourselves from money. (I used to, but no more). They stick their head in the sand, may abuse credit cards, believe they don't deserve to have money and can sabotage themselves and not understand why.

Then there's a money worship group that believe more money or a windfall will solve all my problems. They are status oriented. They will use credit cards to buy to impress others. Anxiety and status can cause people in this group to take  financial risks.

Understanding and exploring your money beliefs and how these affect the financial stress in your life and how you make financial decisions is life changing. Every money coaching client I've worked with has made belief and attitude shifts in the middle of the coaching process because of the light bulbs of awareness that occur. That's exciting and empowering.

Klontz doesn't let people off the hook regarding the homes they bought and couldn't really afford. He says don't blame Wall Street, but "...what led you to buy a house you couldn't afford?" I don't believe in letting the banks off the hook though.

To understand your money attitudes, beliefs and behaviors more read Mind Over Money by the Klontz's or my favorite: Money Magic by Deborah Price.