Your Stressed Brain on Money: 3 Steps to Make Better Financial Decisions

Your brain on money. We women in business love to believe that our logical brain is in charge when it comes to making decisions about money. If we're not in stress or fight or flight, this is true. But, when stressed, it's the emotional brain that's running the show. The research of Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, founder of the Trauma Center in Brookline, Massachusetts, shows that even people with no trauma history, but who are undergoingespecially strong emotional stimulation, we shift into the right-brain (emotional) processing which shuts off logic.  

Emotions Rule - forget the budget you've set for yourself. ATTENTION shoppers - this is WHY - when you come home from a super stressful day at work, your kids are after you for attention, you have to cook dinner, get the homework, etc. and FINALLY, emotionally exhausted, you turn to the internet to do a little SHOPPING and spend more than you had intended. 

I talk to women in business every day who would love to be able to know how to manifest more money, but are worried about credit card debt, saving 6 months earnings for a cushion account, retirement, their children's education, AND have HUGE credit card debt.

What's happening with the brain here? INSTANT GRATIFICATION vs. delayed gratification. Dr. Krueger author of The Secret Language of Money says the logical part of brain says, "I'm saving for my future." But the emotional part says "Oh yeah - I want the money now." And, we know who wins, right?

We aren't going to change the nature of the brain, but we can help our brain make better thought out money decisions by getting the emotional and logical sides of the brain to work together.

Here are 3 Steps to Make Better Financial Decisions:

1) If you're super stressed or upset, table any decisions until you've calmed down. Going through a divorce, losing a business, experiencing an illness all hike emotion. Wait at least 24 hours.

2) Talk to a friend or preferably financial advisor or Money coach to get support and a reality check so you help your brain stay more in logic than emotion.

One of my money coaching clients saved $5,000 in one month and $60,000 over the next year by making one logical vs. emotional decision. It pays to SLOW down, get help and create a plan!!

3) Create a structured plan. What are your financial goals? Write out the action steps to achieve them. For example: Create a 6 month cushion account. Action Step: Only go out to dinner 1x a week. Take money saved and have it automatically deposited into a savings account. DON'T TOUCH SAVINGS.

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Certified Money & Business Coach, Professional Speaker & author, Lynn Telford-Sahl, writes the weekly PowerUP Your Money blog for women in sales and small business. If you’re ready to PowerUP your Money, your Business & your JOY get your FREE Strategy Session with Lynn at www.joywithmoney.com

How Does Your Money Talk to You?

How does your money talk to you? Bob Dylan says: "Money doesn't talk - it screams." Like sex in the 50s or family abuse secrets in the 70s, the subject of money is taboo.  Sshh... Don't talk about your money!!

We don't talk about how much money we make, whether we can pay our bills or not, about the financial stress or hardship we're experiencing. It's embarrassing and we think we're alone, but we're not. There's a saying from the field of psychology, that we're only as sick as the secrets we keep. Money is the last taboo and we need to share our money truths to feel better and move forward.

See if you relate to any of these thoughts or beliefs about money that Louse Hay discusses in her article, "Are You Friends With Your Money?"

* I can't save money

* I don't earn enough

* My credit rating is bad

* Why does everyone else have money?

* Bankruptcy is around the corner

Notice these are all fear based thoughts about money. Because of the economy there's been a considerable fear and negativity around our money. This is actually good if we take steps and not let the fear overwhelm our ability to take action, work diligently to be real about what's going on and take our power back.

The first step out of money fear is to break denial and tell the truth to yourself and your spouse. Make a list of all the money you owe and the money coming in. Create an action plan and look at your list every day while taking daily small incremental steps - pay $10.00 on PGE, talk to the bank, again, send out 10 resumes. Staying on track with an action plan will help you feel more in control.

Financial freedom takes work. You start where you are. It's ok. You're not alone. Tell the truth, make a list, create a plan, take daily small steps, stay conscious of your spending, and don't forget to dream and envision what you want. We need to focus more on where we're going than where we've been or what we've lost. The American Dream isn't dead, but it's been tarnished. It's up to us to shine it up again.

Money Fears – 4 Tips for How to Accept, Release & Feel Better Now!

Psychology Today contributor Joan DiFuria, who writes a column called Affluence Intelligence, states that in 2000 Silicon Valley was birthing 64 millionaires a day. Today? Not many. A decade ago, we were so affluent that a new term “Sudden Wealth Syndrome” was coined. Yet, we also realized that wealth doesn’t necessarily make one happy. But as Woody Allen says, “It’s better than poverty.”

We’re just as obsessed with money these days, but it’s fear and anxiety about not having enough money. We have fear about losing our job, fear about ever finding a job again. Fear about paying the bills, and for some, fear about having enough to eat. And, of course this month, anxiety about Christmas!!

Fear is as much a contagion as the flu. It spreads through the air getting absorbed through the pores of the skin and inhaled into the lungs. Before you know it, the anxiety of those around you has permeated your world. Their worry becomes your worry. Every time the news broadcasts a new financial disturbance in the world, it adds to your sense of pending doom. You may feel disoriented, off-center, unsure of yourself. What can you do?

First, realize that fear is an emotion fueled by our thoughts. It’s not necessarily the truth. We either increase the power fear has over us by focusing on it and following the awful spiral downward or we use strategies to break the cycle and support more neutral or positive thinking.  Rick Hanson, author of The Buddha Brain states that the brain is Velcro for negative thoughts and Teflon for positive. By its very nature, the way we think tends to be negative and critical. So, let’s give ourselves a break and take action to feel better.

Here are 4 Strategies I use and teach to shift to quickly feel better. 1) First, just acknowledge the feeling briefly. “I’m angry, sad, depressed, etc.”  2) Breathe INTO the feeling with an attitude of “Come on in,” for about 90 seconds. Jill Bolte Taylor, PhD, a neuroscientest who rebuilt her brain after a stroke, "says it takes only 90 seconds of feeling the emotion caused by a negative event before the body finishes processing its stress.” 3) Re-focus your thoughts onto more positive events and this is where the old “What are you grateful for comes in.”  List 3 things you’re grateful for. And, this is my favorite: 4) Laugh – for 90 seconds. Come on – In the car or when you get up in the morning. You’ll probably start off feeling like a dork, but try it, you’ll be amazed.  None of these strategies change the situation you’re facing, but they change how you feel and think so you can cope better!!

Won't More Money Will Solve All My Problems?

"If I just had more money, my problems would be solved." According to Brad Klontz." (author of academic study, "Money Beliefs and Financial Behaviors: Development of the Klontz Money Script Inventory," published in The Journal of Financial Therapy)  most Americans fall into this money belief pattern.

Our self-worth and our net-worth are very intertwined in American culture and our money beliefs are for the most part unexplored and below the surface of awareness. Have you ever overreacted to a financial situation like your spouse asking you something about the household finances and wondered, "What just happened?"  I know I have. That reaction is tied to your unexplored money beliefs, habits, attitudes and patterns.

The Klontz Study says there are four categories of "money scripts": money avoidance, money worship, money status and money vigilance.

Those of us who avoid money distance ourselves from money. (I used to, but no more). They stick their head in the sand, may abuse credit cards, believe they don't deserve to have money and can sabotage themselves and not understand why.

Then there's a money worship group that believe more money or a windfall will solve all my problems. They are status oriented. They will use credit cards to buy to impress others. Anxiety and status can cause people in this group to take  financial risks.

Understanding and exploring your money beliefs and how these affect the financial stress in your life and how you make financial decisions is life changing. Every money coaching client I've worked with has made belief and attitude shifts in the middle of the coaching process because of the light bulbs of awareness that occur. That's exciting and empowering.

Klontz doesn't let people off the hook regarding the homes they bought and couldn't really afford. He says don't blame Wall Street, but "...what led you to buy a house you couldn't afford?" I don't believe in letting the banks off the hook though.

To understand your money attitudes, beliefs and behaviors more read Mind Over Money by the Klontz's or my favorite: Money Magic by Deborah Price.