Trauma Fuels Addiction

Mary, overweight since childhood, was forced to diet from the age of five.  As an adult, whenever she’d get mad, she’d stand at the kitchen counter shoveling in chips and other crunchy foods as fast as she could. In our sessions together, she became aware of the reservoir of anger and humiliation caused by her mother who restricted her food because Mom was fat.

Addiction treatment theory says that whatever age the child started using a substance is the emotional age he or she gets stuck. Doesn’t this make sense? We may be walking around in a 44 year-old body, but inside feel like 5 or 12. Unfortunately, we see lots of grown-ups acting out their anger, sadness, and pain by hurting themselves or others.

Mary didn’t realize it, but she was traumatized by her early experiences of feeling she could have mom’s love only if she was “thinner.” That early trauma and the feelings associated with it set her up to be a food addict.

“All addiction is driven by psychological or emotional issues, particularly a feeling of helplessness or humiliation. Helplessness is the feeling of powerlessness.”  Lance Dodes, M.D., psychiatrist, Harvard Medical School, The Heart of Addiction.

Trauma can fuel anxiety, depression and is often the underpinning of self-medicating to try to comfort, nurture or cope with overwhelming feelings.  I worked with women with weight concerns for 13 years and every one of them had difficulties with anxiety or depression.


One treatment approach that is very effective with trauma and anxiety is Emotional Freedom Technique, developed by Gary Craig. (www.emofree.com)  EFT is like psychological acupuncture and is the best technique I’ve ever used to help people safely go into their feelings, release them and feel better. It is NOT a cure for addiction. However, since anxiety and depression fuel cravings, using EFT to heal past trauma and to cope with every day upset or stress is very effective in the recovery process.

Weapons of Mass Distraction: "Lite" Addictions

We stressed, anxious people love our “weapons of mass distraction*” which are the escapes, comforts and zone-outs we use to cope with stress or make ourselves feel temporarily better. Nothing really wrong with this except these behaviors don’t really solve the problem of stress or upset and can create problems of their own.

A young man I’ll name Brad called to make a counseling appointment by announcing that he was addicted to fast food, shopping and internet porn.  I thought, “Wow, he sounds so American.” Brad was a college student, came from a family background of alcoholism and was stressed and anxious because of school and relationship problems.

Brad wasn’t a full-blown addict in that his behaviors weren’t causing money, job or relationship problems – YET – and he didn’t want them to escalate. What Brad was strugging with was what I call “lite” addictions, which are defined as:  quick fix habits that temporarily smoothe the stress, anxiety and strain of modern life, but don’t lead to the satisfaction, joy or freedom we’re longing for.

Here are some stats on the most prevalent “lite” addictions:

Fast Food: In 1970 Americans spent 6 billion on fast food and in 2001 110 billion (Today about 30% of adults in US are obese)

Shopping – Lane Benson, Ph.d, editor of I Shop Therefore I am states that about 5% of the population are full fledged compulsive shoppers.  A merck family fund poll found that 72% of Americans say people buy things as a substitue for something missing in their lives.

Internet Porn:  Robert Wise, of Sexual Recovery Institute in Los Angeles, says 40 million Americans watch porn during a year and 10 –15% of those are clearly addicted. Porn is a $10 billion industry in US alone.

What I’ve learned from 25 years of working in the addiction field is that most with addictive concerns are trying to reduce pain or increase pleasure. There isn’t any quick fix for addictive concerns. But dealing with the stress, anxiety or upsets of life with bodymind (Candace Pert’s reframe of mindbody – See Molecules of Emotion) strategies such as conscious breathing, dealing with upset feelings regularly rather than avoiding or stuffing makes you feel better, increases your natural feel good chemicals and don't produce harmful side effects.



(*Swami Beyondononda or Steve Bharai)

Addicted to Over-Thinking?

“Positive thoughts are a biological mandate for a happy, healthy life.” Bruce Lipton, The Biology of Belief

One day I was speeding down the street, yelling at the idiotic drivers everywhere, feeling grumpy and pissed off. (Sound familiar?) “If they would just turn when they’re supposed to, or drive faster...my life would be better.” (Ha) I was selling real estate at the time and knew it wasn’t the job for me. I believed I was unhappy because of all the “other people” who didn’t do their jobs, which made my life more difficult.

But as I was driving that day I had an epiphany – maybe it wasn’t THEM that was making me unhappy. Maybe it was me. More specifically, maybe it had something to do with all the negative thoughts swirling through my brain at any given moment. That was an uncomfortable, but eventually empowering moment.

Dr. Gregg Jacobs, Harvard Ph.D and author of The Ancestral Mind, calls the mind the Thinking Mind. I call it the “Over-Thinking Mind.” Dr. Jacobs says the mind by its nature is critical, controlling and analytical. Buddhists and psychologists call the negative mind the ego and 12 steppers know that acronym means “Edging God Out.”  When we’re caught up in our negative over-thinking mind we’re stressed, on edge, looking for what’s wrong about ourselves and everyone else. What fun.

Thankfully, with awareness (always the first step of change) and practice we can help the mind better behave itself and feel greater peace and happiness in the process. This leads to presence which is simply the art of staying with your self (thoughts, feelings, experiences in the moment.)

Here are 5 steps I’ve found helpful to transform negativity and over-thinking:

1)   Become aware when your mind is off and running and dragging you with it. Just notice the angry, blaming, judgmental, or negative thoughts and take a breath or two. This creates space to pay attention to the fact that your mind has hijacked you. (“Those ____ drivers.)

2)   Notice what the mind is saying – without taking it too seriously - be the witness or observer.

3)   Notice any feelings that you’re experiencing – angry, sad, hurt, afraid, guilty. Name them and notice where in the body you experience them. (Again, be the witness vs. the judge)

4)   Take 10 breaths into the part of your body you identified or into your belly.  Notice any changes in how you feel now. (Paradoxically, the quickest way to "get rid" of feelings is to name them and feel 'em.)

5)   Re-Frame Your Thinking: Instead of what you were thinking, ask what would you like to think. Pick a positive thought that’s the opposite of the thought you started with. For example:  Instead of “those idiotic drivers” I could choose to reframe it as “those drivers that are probably just as much in a hurry as I am.”

Addicted to Envy?

I received a Facebook announcement that a colleague of mine was going to be on TV in San Francisco. My stomach clenched with a jealous pang. My first thought wasn’t “Good for her!” It was: “That should be me.” Well, it has been – I’ve been on TV- but in that uncomfortable moment of envy, any success I’ve had in the past was completely forgotten as negative emotions overcame me. And, though I sent an email and said “Good for you,” I didn’t completely feel it. I took a few breaths, realized I had been sideswiped by envy, went into the emotion instead of avoiding it and soon was able to let it go.

We’ve all had those moments where one thought like the one I just shared takes us into a negative spiral that is hard to recover from. It’s common knowledge that we have approximately 60,000 thoughts a day and most of them are habitually negative. BUT, most of us don’t connect our thoughts to our feelings. The key to living JOYFULLY is to become aware of the normal human emotions of anger, sadness, fear and guilt that are constantly running through us and to know HOW to move into them safely. One of the paradoxes of the human condition is that the quickest way to rid of a feeling is to feel it.

For anyone with addictive issues, the downward spiral of thoughts and emotions can lead to relapse. I’ve noticed the most happy people in recovery have strategies to deal with the emotional ups and downs of life. LIFE happens – it’s how we grow – but that doesn’t mean we have to suffer. Suffering comes when we avoid or resist how we feel. Pretty simple and with practice we become more comfortable knowing that going INTO and riding the wave of our emotions leads to feeling better than complaining about them or blaming someone else.

(Next time:  7 Simple Steps to Feel Better Fast)

4 Hurdles of Women Business Divas (& 4 Reasons Why Women Rock)

Lynn’s definition of Diva: Women determined to BE their best, DO their best, serve others and make more $$ and have more FUN!

1) Women in Business undercharge for their products and services. It’s a worthiness issue.

2) Women owned business are under capitalized. A National Association of Women Business Owners survey found that 75% of respondents did not get loans or credit at all. (I wonder if these women are using credit cards to finance their businesses?)

3) Women don’t have the built in financial networks or support systems that men do. NOTE: It’s only been since 1988 (20+years) that the Women’s Business Ownership Act eliminated state laws that required women to have a male relative co-sign a business loan. Can you believe it?

4) Women in business don’t take enough risks.Probably iin part because they’re underfunded.

In spite of the challenges women Rock! It’s exciting to see women starting new businesses and up-leveling current ones.Here are 4 reasons why women owned businesses are going to explode in the next few years.

1) Women are more customer focused. "The only thing ranked higher for women (according to Mark D. Wolf of The Guardian Life Small Business Research Institute, is family and religion."

2) Women multi-task more easily than men – Men might have come up with a fancy word to describe doing lots of things at once, but women have BEEN multi-tasking for eons. We were just too busy to name it!

3) Women value a positive work environment, paying employees better and making employees feel as if they’re part of a team. (I’ve heard the complaints about women’s backbiting and emotionalism, but I have never experienced it.)

4) Women are more collaborative and are using social networks and supports systems for help in their businesses – and to support others.

Addicted to War: "War is a Drug"

“The rush of battle is a potent and often lethal addiction, for war is a drug,” from author Chris Hedges’ 2002 bestselling book War is a Force That Gives Us Meaning.  In the movie, “The Hurt Locker,” Jeremy Renner’s character is a soldier who becomes addicted to the adrenalin rush of defusing bombs in Iraq.

The consequences of his addiction are loss of connection to his fellow soldiers, his wife and young son, and a recklessness with his own life and with the safety of those under his command.

Is our world addicted to war? Yes…and we can’t or won’t stop to consider other possibilities despite the consequences. In fact, a conversation about other possibilities never comes up for debate in Congress. To say NO to war has become synonymous with weakness. President Obama just asked Congress to approve another $700 billion for the war in Afghanistan. But the cost is more than the dollars spent in the Middle East. For every soldier lost, wounded or returning home with an injured body, mind and spirit, millions more are spent on rehab, therapy, disability and the lost dreams of another wounded young person.

One definition of addiction is the loss of control over how much or when to use a substance or a behavior. An addict is someone who can’t stop their behavior even when it’s causing serious consequences. We are a country and a world in denial. As an addiction specialist, I know that often denial can only be broken by an intervention that clearly, firmly and lovingly states the problem, the consequences and the course of action necessary – get into treatment or else.  When will the world decide to break out of the addiction to war? When enough individuals have healed the terrorist within – when enough of us have let go of the ego’s addiction to fear and made the higher choice for love.

The Beauty of Emotions: Our Inner Guidance System

Winter is the perfect time to go within, clean out the emotional closets of our hearts and prepare for the new growth of spring. I talk to lots of people and what I’m observing is that the stuff is hitting the fan – anything from divorce, to catastrophic illness, to death, job or home loss – you name it, it’s happening. I’ve had to fasten my own seat belt as I experience my own growth-provoking bumpy ride.I’m thankful I’ve learned that going into my feelings is the quickest way to release them. This is very counter-intuitive as we’ve been taught since childhood to block or repress our feelings. But they are our emotional guidance system and vital information as we make decisions and take care of ourselves. When I allow myself to look at the places within that need to be seen, accepted, healed and released, happiness begins to bubble within my heart and I’m reminded of a truth from Awakening Into Oneness by Arjuna Ardagh: "Anything experienced fully, leads to JOY."

Feature Article 

The Beauty of Emotions: Our Inner Guidance System

We don’t always know HOW to quickly deal with our feelings, yet if we want to stay productive, that’s what we need to do. If we’re unprepared for how to cope with our emotions in healthy ways, we may resort to those less than healthy guilty-pleasures, or "lite addictions" (alcohol, over-use of the Internet, TV, over-eating – to name a few), that temporarily distract us, but can create more problems.

Our emotions are meant to be an inner guidance system; an inner GPS to point the way through the darkness back to JOY. The TARA process (Touch, Accept, Release, Action) fromIntentional JOY is a strategy I’ve taught to hundreds and use often myself.

HERE’S HOW TARA WORKS (I’ll use an example from a recent experience):

1) Identify a situation that’s pushing your emotional buttons: 
a friend of mine just died from breast cancer.

2) Touch or identify the following feelings about the situation:

Anger (feeling unrecognized or unimportant: 
I’m angry that or because: I’m angry because my friend died so young. I’m angry that I didn’t get to say goodbye

Sad (experiencing loss or relationship changing or ending:
I’m sad that I didn’t get to say goodbye. I’m sad because I’ll miss her smiling face. I’m sad because her death reminds me of my mother’s death.

Afraid (experiencing threat to safety or well-being):
I’m afraid because I’m getting older and life seems more fragile.

I’m afraid because I know others are going through treatment and I don’t know what will happen to them.

Guilty (out of integrity with self, or NOT people pleasing):
I feel guilty that I couldn’t attend the service because I was working.

Glad (finding one or more positive things about the situation):
I’m glad I knew Kim as she radiated JOY and touched my heart and so many others.

3) Accept: Notice where in your body you most feeling the energy of these emotions. Give yourself permission to accept these feelings as an important part of your experience. Judging our feelings is what creates the suffering.

4) Release: Breathe into your body where the emotion is held at least ten times.

Often just this simple act of naming the emotion, accepting it and breathing to release it is enough to shift back to feeling good. Like any muscle that gets stronger with use, over time we get better and quicker at recognizing our emotions, going into them and returning to JOY (For those that want more training, I conduct phone or in person sessions combined with Emotional Freedom Technique to really accelerate the release time).

Complimentary Marketing Assessment From Lynn:

If you’re serious about moving your business and your self to a new level then fill out Lynn’s marketing assessment and email Lynn to set your Complimentary 20 minute session. Please scan and email back to lynntelfordsahl@gmail.com or
fax back to 209 544-6438.

Spotlight

Jacqueline Marcell was so compelled by caring for her challenging elderly father and sweet but ailing mother (both with early Alzheimer’s not properly diagnosed for over a year), that when she finally figured everything out she gave up her (stalled) career as a television executive to become an advocate for eldercare awareness and reform. Her first (bestselling) book, "Elder Rage," was a Book-of-the-Month Club selection and is being considered for a film. She also launched the "Coping with Caregiving" Internet radio program at Jacqueline Marcell was so compelled by caring for her challenging elderly father and sweet but ailing mother (both with early Alzheimer’s not properly diagnosed for over a year), that when she finally figured everything out she gave up her (stalled) career as a television executive to become an advocate for eldercare awareness and reform. Her first (bestselling) book, "Elder Rage," was a Book-of-the-Month Club selection and is being considered for a film. She also launched the "Coping with Caregiving" Internet radio program atwww.wsRadio.com/CopingWithCaregiving and is an international speaker on Caregiving, Eldercare, Alzheimer’s. Jacqueline’s mission is to impart knowledge on issues that unnecessarily cost a year of her life, her parents’ life savings and most of her own—and nearly her life itself.www.ElderRage.com. Listen to Lynn on Jacqueline’s show byclicking here now. 

Amazon Bestseller Launch Crisis & Learning

I’m diverting from my usual addiction focus to talk about the Amazon Bestseller Launch of last week and what I learned from it.

My dad had a saying, “no harm, no foul.” He was a man afraid to take risks and he used that phrase both in kindness to others and to avoid conflict. I’m also afraid to take risks, but I’ve learned to push through the fear and take action anyway, and I’m not afraid of conflict. Thank you Dad.

The Amazon Bestseller Launch of Jan 12, 2010 was a bit of a crisis. My goal was to move Intentional JOY: How to Turn Stress, Fear & Addiction into Freedom into the top 10 ratings for that day. Did we accomplish that? No. In fact, only about 6 sales registered with Amazon for the day. However, through technical magicianship by Virtual Assistants Karen and Carrie, we ended up selling the equivalent of 90 books through my website.

It was a nightmare of a day yet I’m proud of how we all handled the challenge. Instead of freaking out (as I might have done a few years ago, or running to some addictive activity),  the three of us pulled together and figured out what could be done to save the day and make sure people got their bonuses from the sponsors and were able to purchase books if they wanted to through my website  (www.lynntelfordsahl.com).

Robert Kiyosaki, of Rich Dad, Poor Dad fame, says that too often we’re afraid to make mistakes.  My greatest learning has come from the mistakes I’ve made in life and I’ve made some doozies.

My coach, Jan B. King, of eWomen Publishing, called to express sympathy about the launch and to encourage me to do it again; now that I know what and how to do it. I couldn’t think of that last week ... perhaps in the fall.

What I learned from the Amazon experience is that taking risks is how we stretch, that when working with a large, non-vendor friendly company to make extra sure of the details, to appreciate the importance of self-care – breathe baby breathe – and to be grateful for all who participated – from customers to sponsors.

From one of my favorite authors:

"The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing and becomes nothing.  He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live."

Leo Buscaglia, 1924-1998,  Living, Loving and Learning

“Lite-Addictions:” Guilty Pleasures or True Addictions?

Are “lite addictions” guilty pleasures or a true addiction? Let me make a distinction. A true addict is someone who has lost the choice about how much or when to use and is having health, relational or money problems. If this is you, please seek professional help.* “Lite” addictions aren’t full blown addictions. There is still choice about whether to have, or not, the 2^nd glass of wine, or the 3^rd toke of pot.

Here’s how the progression of addictive choices works:  Tired and stressed, Sally used to have a mocha latte once a week as a reward for a hard week completed. She liked the sugary, caffeinated rush, and began to not only look forward to, but crave her weekly shot. Progressing from a weekly pleasure to a “have to” daily, now if she doesn’t have her caffeine fix she feels depressed. She also feels guilty about weight gain and has trouble sleeping, but doesn’t make the connection between those symptoms and the coffee she’s consuming. The problem with “lite addictions” is that the more we use them – the more easily they become habits. And, habits can become addictions depending on our family history and genetics. In a sense, we’re training our brains to rely on unhealthier forms of stress relief.

The solutions to stress, anxiety and the problems of life are not external (take another pill, build a bigger home, buy a better car) and because of the economy this option is less available today. I’m not saying it’s bad to indulge in guilty pleasures occasionally. One key to preventing those “lite” addictions from progressing is to stay aware and to practice healthier stress relieving strategies. Body-mind strategies, such as conscious breathing, (take a few deep breaths…ah…), Emotional Freedom Technique (www.emofree.com or the book Intentional JOY), or imagery help break the habits of stress and connect with a more satisfying place within ourselves.

When we consciously and deliberately take charge of stress and anxiety we have the ability to choose whether to have that glass of wine, enjoy a yoga class or take a fun walk with friends. As we take charge of stress pro-actively we create more JOY, satisfaction and freedom for ourselves, our families and by extension the world. (*FREE 7 ½ audio tips To Turn Stress into JOY at www.lynntelfordsahl.com) *professional help includes 12-step programs, counseling, in or out-patient treatment – see yellow pages or ask your Human Resources department.

Why Are We Running So Fast - And To What?

Life is FAST and getting faster all the time. We have technology and ourselves to blame or thank for this. Before the internet took off, along with the information age it spawned, we were stressed, but nothing like today. I wonder how much stress comes from the belief we need to be plugged in and accessible all the time.

At a business meeting last week, I noticed a number of people texting and answering emails. This would have been unacceptable at this same meeting a couple of years ago. I don’t think it’s acceptable today.

I got into a discussion about this very subject with my son, Rich, who, like so many, is adamant that for business reasons, he needs to answer every text, every email, whether he’s at a meeting, dinner or wherever.

I continued the discussion started with Rich Saturday evening with my friend Dewey, who asked the question, "Why are we running so fast and to what?" Perhaps it’s time for us to stop and think and evaluate this. I’ll start. What am I running to? I know some of the answers: I’m running to greater success, more money, to be of service, to pay the bills (or requests for appreciation (from Busting Loose from the Money Game), to go on vacation, to have fun, to get the most out of life. I’m lucky because I love what I do, but the frenetic pace work and life take on at times leaves me exhausted. And, I’m doing it to myself. We’re all doing it to ourselves.

It’s as if the assumption many of us make is that staying connected through technology should have equal or greater importance than person-to-person communication. I want to be fully present when I am with others, which for me means leaving the cell phone alone, checking emails no more than 3 times a day and not always answering my home phone.

A change may be brewing because I’m hearing more people say they long for real time connections with friends and loved ones; that they’re simplifying, and wanting to slow down. In my coaching groups and seminars I hear the appreciation women have about being together, feeling safe to be real and themselves. Keep asking the awareness provoking question– "Why are we running so fast and to what?" Coaches Challenge: Take a breath and a break from your regular technology routine. Consciously decide how much of your time and energy you’re willing to be available and what feels best to you. 

Personal Note

At 1:30 p.m. Saturday I was teaching a business seminar for women and mentioned my mother, who died from cancer 15 years ago, with her dreams unrealized. I felt teary and was surprised because I’m at peace with her passing. Later that day I heard that my friend Kimberly Boothe had died at 1:30 p.m. on Saturday. She too had cancer. Kimberly was a vivacious, beautiful, big-hearted woman and she will be truly missed.

The loss of a friend or loved brings sadness. Going into rather than avoiding the sadness, fear or anger around loss eventually brings us to the other side.

"Anything fully experienced leads to JOY." Sri Bhagavan, Founder Oneness University

Amazon Bestseller Launch Report:

Thank you everyone that participated. What a learning experience and a stressful, crazy week filled with lots of growth. That means it was hellatious, and I survived. The Amazon Launch reminds me of childbirth – you can’t know the pain and difficulty until you’re in the experience. I am very grateful for my A.A.’s, Karen and Carrie, and all my stress management skills – breathe, tap, pray, let go. The bad news: no book sales went through Amazon. The good news: the equivalent of 90 books were sold and people were able to receive their bonuses. My coach has encouraged me to re-do the launch because now the kinks are worked out. I’ll look at the fall.

Movie Review

AVATAR:

I loved AVATAR. I heard the criticism of the story line, but I don’t think those folks got the real message of the movie. Every one of my more conscious or spiritually aware friends knew exactly what Cameron is trying to say. I got a little bored with all the war scenes, but ACTION brings the guys in. Cameron in his Golden Globe acceptance speech, describes the message best:

"Avatar asks us to see that everything is connected, all human beings to each other, and us to the Earth. …If you have to go four and a half light years to another, made-up planet to appreciate this miracle of the world that we have right here, well, …that’s the wonder of cinema."

It’s also the wonder of what is possible for us – to embrace our fellow human beings and to appreciate and take care of our planet, ourselves and each other. The old ways of war and power over aren’t working. We have only to look around. We need a new model of power and I’m hopeful we’ll create that very soon.

Upcoming Events

On-Going In-Person Groups:

Movement Psychology: "We think we see the world as it is, but we see the world as we are." Course in Miracles

Please join us if you’d like to experience being:

* More grounded & centered
* Less Stressed/More Peaceful
* More loving & connected
* Aware of limiting patterns to release them gently

Movement Psychology is a body-oriented approach to self-awareness, healing and choice. As we move differently, we become different.

When: Saturday Jan 23, 2010 2:00 – 3:30 (next March 20th, April 17th)

Where: 533 Crane Ave. Turlock CA (The Spiritual Church of Turlock)

Fee: $25.00 each session

Register: Call Gaylene (209) 604-5413 or Lynn (209) 492-8745

Mid-Life Divas In Connection with Valley Wellness & Dr. Lisa Hunt

This monthly seminar is for you if you’re:

• Tired but wanting to feel energized, joyful & alive
• Running so fast, it’s hard to catch your breath
• Stressed and searching for alternatives
• Experiencing physical symptoms related to mid-life such as fatigue, weight gain, anxiety/depression, memory changes
• Stuck & wondering how to re-gain a sense of purpose

Seminar includes an assessment of health, wealth, happiness & purpose.

Lynn will share traditional & body-mind strategies in the spirit of fun, exploration and growth.

When: Wed March 3, 2010 6:30 p.m. – 8:30 p.m. (Next April 7, May 5)

Where: Valley Wellness Center 1300 Mable Ave., Ste. C, Modesto

Fee: $45.00

Register: Call Valley Wellness (209) 577-2799

TELESEMINAR:

Lynn’s popular in-person seminar now offered as a teleseminar:

Money Magic: How to Create Inner & Outer Abundance in Challenging Times

If you want to thrive, not just survive, in this economy you need specific strategies to:

• Focus & sustain your physical, mental & emotional energy
• Shift anxiety about $$ to peace of mind
• Assess your $$ consciousness – are you a money magnetor getting in your own way?
• Charge what you’re worth
• Collapse limiting money beliefs easily
• Design the action steps to achieve your dreams

BONUS: 3 ENERGY enhancers to boost vitality, aliveness & JOY
and buffer stress & anxiety

When: March 9, 10, 16th 11:00 a.m. – 12:00 a.m. (will be recorded)

Fee: $147.00 Regular Price – ONLY $37.00 for clients, past clients, past seminar attendees and networking women