Celebrity Obsession: Get a Life!

Celebrity Obsession: Get a Life!  The Newsweek cover story is about the celebrity culture and “Why We Can’t Look Away.” Neal Gabler, the article’s author, writes that a celebrity “is a person who is known for his well-knownness.” Well, duh. Since the time of the silent movies, Americans have become ever more focused on being entertained. Now, Gabler considers it the new art form. Unfortunately today’s titillation has a cynical, nasty tone that’s far different from the adulation of the early movie stars.

There is a natural fascination with the illusion of “everything is wonderful” that we project onto stars like Brad Pitt or Angelina. Who doesn’t want to escape their problems for a few moments with harmless fantasy? The problem is that like any obsession that becomes addictive, it is only a temporary distraction from our own misery, problems, stress or boredom.

Why are we so addicted to Tiger Woods and celebrity gossip? Drew Pinsky’s book, The Mirror Effect describes celebrity addiction as a “tendency to obsess over damaging celerity stories and to try to solve our problems the way celebrities do.”  Psychology Today tells us: "...with respect to Tiger Woods or any other celebrity, the public desire to put them on a pedestal to attain almost God-like status and then participate in anguish, pity or loathing when they fall, seems to have less to do about the celebrities, and more to do with the mental states of those that allocate them celebrity status." (http://tinyurl.com/yao49yp)

One of the conditions of addiction is that tolerance develops. For an alcoholic, tolerance means it takes five drinks instead of two to get the same buzz. For celebrity addiction, it means a continual upping of the search for the new rush fed by 24/7 access to the drama/trauma of the famous. My recommendation is to remember the term “moderation,” get help to wean yourself from celebrity addiction if necessary and learn to focus on becoming the star of your own life.

Tiger, Testosterone & Power

Tiger, testosterone and power.  Like so many before him, Tiger succumbed to the potent duo of testosterone and power. We all have a potential dark side, so it shouldn’t be any surprise that like Tigers’ ego, drive and determination, his shadow is just as big.

Tiger’s talent and the media have made him into the perfect God of golf. But he’s as mortal as any other sports hero, rock star, or politician that has caved to the pressure or run after the ever-present array of women throwing themselves after these guys. (Women groupies are another story.)

Talking with my workout girlfriends last week I asked them what they thought about the news of Tiger’s fall. Debbie said that no matter what he does in the future, all his successes are now tainted by his failure to keep it in his pants. Sandra, more compassionately mourned for his lost childhood; a childhood spent at the golf range and that now, finally, he’s rebelling.

Is Tiger addicted to women or sex? Who knows and, except for the fact that he is in the public eye, it’s none of our business. As an addiction specialist, I think it’s a sad and repetitive story that to balance out all the glory and pressure of success, the fragile and very human ego seeks self-destructive behaviors.

In order to not only get his family back, but keep them, it’ll be important for Tiger to deal with the what was really driving his behavior. I hope he’ll dedicate himself to the inner work he needs to do to balance out the years of career focus. A lesson learned too late by so many is that the addictive high of the glitz and the glory can’t make up for the self-respect and value of loved ones.

Do Stress & Anxiety Make Us Addictive?

Do stress and anxiety make us addictive? Stress and anxiety are at the highest levels I’ve seen in 30 years and cause a vulnerability to addictive escapes. The economy is a big driver, but it’s exacerbated by the amount of change and loss occurring – job, home or illness, and the fact that we’re not taught how to take care of ourselves in pro-active and loving ways.

Escapes do sort of work - a glass of wine (or 3 or 4) or a hit of pot, or shopping and certainly food, can distract us from life problems, but don’t solve them. If you find yourself relating, take a breath, and try to be nonjudgmental. I’ll talk about solutions in part two, but here are the top 3 Lite addictions, or guilty pleasures, people use to cope with stress or anxiety.

Shopping: MyVesta, a web-based financial health center, found that 49% of survey respondents overspent. Experts say 5% of the U.S. population could be full-fledged compulsive shoppers.

Internet porn: Robert Wise, of Sexual Recovery Institute, Los Angeles, says 40 million Americans watch porn during a year and 10% to 15% of those are clearly addicted. Porn is a $13 billion industry in the U.S

and $100 billion worldwide.

Overeating & Fast food: In 1970, Americans spent $6 billion dollars on fast food while in 2001 more than $110 billion was spent. Obesity affects about 30% of the population.

You might wonder: “If I run to the shopping mall or eat at McDonald’s when I’m stressed, does that mean I’m an addict?” Probably not. Doing pleasurable things for stress relief is natural. The difference between healthy & addictive is answered by these questions: 1) Is my shopping (or whatever I’m using for stress relief) causing problems in my relationships? Am I lying about how much I spend or in debt over my head? 2) Is my behavior making me feel guilty? 3) Is the shopping, alcohol or prescription medications, causing me to miss work, or have money problems?

As Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now says, “Things and conditions can give you pleasure, but they cannot give you joy.”

In Part Two you’ll find easy to learn body-mind strategies to shift stress & emotional upset quickly.

Addiction to Things

Americans are addicted to being something they’re not. They’re addicted to things," says Oprah. Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now: "Things and conditions can give you pleasure, but they cannot give you joy."

Brad made an appointment for counseling by explaining that he was addicted to shopping, fast food & internet porn. I thought – wow – he’s so American. If you have ever been so stressed or anxious that you’ve reached for the closest piece of chocolate or run for a quick latté to make yourself feel better, you can relate. It’s so common to reach for the quickest relief advertisers recommend when we’re overwhelmed, stressed or anxious.

Most of us long for more happiness, but don’t always know how to achieve it. For a long time, I didn’t either. I grew up in the quintessential addictive home – alcoholic mother, sports and gambling obsessed dad – abuse, depression and anxiety. Today I know how to let go of the “upset” feelings and create peace and happiness. I’m not saying every day is a JOYfest - I have my challenging days too – that’s life. But, I’ve found a secret. The key is to go into, rather than away from upset. It’s paradoxical, but when we use body-mind strategies, like those in Intentional JOY we move through stress & upset quickly, and get back to feeling good. Isn’t that freeing?

Are we all addicted?

Escapes such as a glass of wine (or 3 or 4) or a hit of pot, or shopping, or food, distract us from life problems temporarily, but don’t solve them, or the underlying feelings. If you find yourself relating, take a breath, and try to be nonjudgmental.

The Solution:

The three strategies in Intentional JOY that help to quickly and easily reduce stress and anxiety (which are under most addictions) are Conscious Breathing, TARA, Emotional Freedom Technique and Imagery. TARA allows you to identify what feelings are underneath the upset in a quick, easy format. Then EFT, which can be thought of as psychological acupressure, releases the upset from the body. New brain neuroscience research shows that just naming emotions is often enough to feel better, but we have to know how. For more info go to (www.emofree.com) for video “how-to’s” and Intentional JOY 
for the written TARA process.

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Personal Note

I’m practicing all my own strategies throughout every day to manage the stress and anxiety I’m experiencing as I stretch into new territory with this Amazon Bestseller launch. Breathe, sigh, ah…. The date for the launch is Jan 12th and I will so appreciate your help to reach the top ten that day. (See below for $500.00 worth of BONUSES when you purchase that day only).

There are so many details to this process and I’m grateful for the help I have – Carrie and Karen – two V.A.’s you’ve heard me mention before.

Our kitchen is complete and it’s gorgeous. Thank you to Classic Design and Tiffany Gomes, in Lodi who is one of my eWomen connections and proof positive that networking creates business.

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December Spotlight

Kyle Lingg, specializes in Neuro-Reflex Therapy, a form of foot and hand therapy massage incorporating reflexology combined with techniques promoting circulation and increased nerve conduction. She is also a Cleansing Coach with Isagenix, a cleansing and nutritional program. The benefits of Neuro Reflex Therapy may be:

• Relaxation, reduced pain, regeneration of nerve endings, detoxifies the body’s tissues, enhances immune function.

I’m off to my monthly session with Kyle right now and I wouldn’t miss it. If you have any health concerns, are diabetic or just want to feel good but don’t have the time or money for a full body massage, try Kyle.

Kyle Lingg – 209-869-1288 or 402-1588 (Now at Second Nature in McHenry Village).

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Upcoming Events

Amazon Bestseller Launch Tuesday January 12th
On this date I’m asking all my friends, family and clients (and
please help me spread the word) to purchase a copy of Intentional JOY: How to Turn Stress, Fear & Addiction into Freedom through Amazon.com.

The Goal is to have IJ get into the top 10 for that day to raise awareness about addiction and sell 200 copies. 
For participating you receive $500.00 worth of valuableBONUSES from marketing guru Katrina Sawa, Relationship Expert David Roppo, and Judy Kay, Weight Loss Expert and others, but only if you purchase that day.

Mark your calendars NOW for January 12th and I give my heart-felt thanks to you ahead of time for your support. I’ll let you know how we do!!

2010 Strategic Business Planning with Lynn

“Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.”Bernadette Devlin

“Within two months of working with Lynn I made my goal of becoming the top sales person at IT Solutions/Currie.” 
Melissa Barry

If you’re ready to move past stress & struggle in 2010 andmake more MONEY and have more FUN this 3 hour seminar is for you!!

When: Saturday Jan 16th 1:00 – 4:00 p.m.

Fee: If you are or have been a coaching client the fee is only $97.00. Open to the public for $147.00

The first 10 people to register will receive 3 hours of Lynn’s expertise to help you with a business plan, to set reasonably uncomfortable goals, create a step-by-step action plan and experience the power of visualization to enhance your goals. (3 spots already spoken for). CALL 209 492-8745 to REGISTER.

P.T.S.D. Kills - And Love Heals

P.T.S.D. Kills – And Love Heals.  Post-traumatic stress disorder kills, and love can certainly heal. We at home can only imagine what traumatic experiences led to the expression on this soldiers face. What isn’t so easily seen is how this soldier will cope over the long-term with the pain he’s carrying, or which loved ones in his life could be collateral damage. One in five soldiers will come home from Iraq or Afghanistan suffering with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD can show up as anything from panic attacks, flash backs, insomnia, depression to nightmares, or all of these. “Trauma has been defined by experts as a perceived life-threatening event in which our ability to respond is inhibited and the meaning we create about it damages our ability to connect with ourselves or with others,” reports Peter Levine in Healing Trauma.

Our soldiers (and many of us civilians) are suffering from what Francine Shapiro (trauma expert and originator of EMDR - eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) calls the big “T” events like war, abuse, or severe car accidents. Big “T” traumas are more visibly damaging and PET scans show where in the brain trauma shows up and as healing occurs how it lights up a different area.

How does love heal? Imagery based therapies (EMDR, Emotional Freedom Technique, Guided Imagery) “increase serotonin levels in the bloodstream and heighten the feelings of love, gratitude and connection.” (Belleruth Naparstek (Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal). Love is the ability to connect with self and others from the heart (care, compassion, kindness) and heals the internal war that PTSD creates.

I’ve used Emotional Freedom Technique (FREE mp3 Stress Relieving Imagery download) to clear and heal shame from my own childhood abuse that years of talking therapy didn’t relieve. I’ve taught Imagery and EFT to hundreds of clients individually and at workshops. I particularly like EFT because once it is learned the client has a strategy they can employ outside of the therapists office anytime they’re emotionally overwhelmed, are having nightmares, or flashbacks.

(For more info about EFT www.emofree.com or Intentional JOY: How to Turn Stress, Fear & Addiction into Freedom)

Americans Are Addicted to Fear

Americans are addicted to fear and here's one story about why. A cute, athletic teen was running near her home. She noticed a car following a short distance behind her. As she paused to look at the car, three scary looking men got out and started after her. She ran around a corner and hid, then went to a neighbors and called 911. The police apprehended the men - all registered sex offenders. How often does this type of event happen? Not nearly as much as the media would have us believe. Bear with me for a moment and read to the end to find out if this story is true or not.

When we hear a story like the one above, we extrapolate to all the dangerous things that could happen to our children or our loved ones. James Breckenridge, a professor of psychology at Stanford University, says that... "negative information is stickier because the brain pays more attention to anything that appears threatening." What we don't focus on are all the safe children. From a positive view of this situation, this young woman knew what to do. She was aware of her surroundings and she immediately sought help. Carrying a cell phone is an extra precaution.

"If it bleeds, it leads" headlines encourage us to believe that we live in a much more dangerous world than ever before. In our current “Culture of Fear,” as the author Barry Glassner states, the average person believes crime has increased in the U.S., while it actually plunged in the 1990s and is today about where it was in the 1970s.

The new brain science demonstrates that the brain’s neural pathways are stimulated by repeated emotions. The more we feel afraid, stressed, or sad, the more susceptible we become to those states.  Over time these feelings become habituated.  Much like the alcoholic who can’t stop drinking, the news or drama/trauma junkie, gets a sort of high.

 What's the solution? Awareness and retraining our attention to seek out the positive. The above story is true and happened to a young teen in Stanislaus County. As a child of 7 I was molested by a stranger in my neighborhood. What research shows though, is that most children are hurt not by strangers, but by people they know.

In the 60s we weren't taught about how to protect ourselves. Fear serves a purpose when it's protective without limiting our ability to trust and connect. Our greatest power is CHOICE and awareness is the first step.

Michael Jackson Died From Addiction

Michael Jackson died from addiction. But he also died because no one in his circle could say "no" to him. Certainly his doctor was unable to say "no." Jackson died from years of escalating abuse of prescription medications. One morning, one shot, one pill too many and on that particular day his system had had enough and went into arrest.

Jackson's addiction and death is sad for millions, but no more sad to me than my mother dying of cancer due to her cigarette addiction. Or my brother, who in four years has gone from middle-class salesman and homeowner to homeless meth addict. Or my sister, who has been in or out of alcoholism for years. I have said "no" to giving money except for food, to letting my brother live with me once he'd relapsed, to my mother taking care of my child when she was drinking. I know it's not easy, I've been there. What's most difficult is to say that no with love and compassion. Minutes ago I got to exercise a loving "no" with my sister. Sober yesterday, we planned a movie afternoon. Drinking today, I sadly declined as I choose to not be around her when she's doing so.

Addiction is not just to the hard stuff, but to what I call the "lite" addictions and what Steve Bhaerman refers to as "weapons of mass distraction." We seem to need a buffer between ourselves and the stresses and upsets of daily living. Anything from hours of TV, to cruising through the fast food drive-in on the way to Starbucks, with a few hours of shopping to top it off. We Americans love our distractions, temporary though they may be. But, take a breath, (one of my favorite buffers) because JOY and freedom are available to create a pause button to "lite" addictions with easy to learn body-mind strategies that I'll be sharing in the weeks ahead.

Breathe, smile & choose JOY,

Lynn