Money is Like Any Other Addiction

My friend Marianne Peck, therapist and writer says, "People are dumber than rats." Let me explain. She’s referring to the experimental rats that go through a maze once and, when they don’t get food, change directions or stop. Not so for people. We will keep doing the same behavior, over and over, expecting a different result. Twelve step programs call this very human behavior insanity.

Let's look at the progression of an addiction. According to Craig Nakken, addiction expert, it goes like this:  pattern, habit, compulsion (obsession) addiction. When I first smoked cigarettes it was occasional use. As the years went by when I was stressed or upset a cigarette smoothed those feelings and a habit of relying on the FEELING of escape and relief developed that I knew would come from smoking. It wasn't easy for me to quit, but easier than than for  someone like Amy Winehouse (bless her heart - we could all see that one coming) who had moved into the compulsion/obsession phase and lost control of choice.

Now, how does this model fit with money?  Here's another addiction field saying: We want what we want and we want it now. A new Iphone, Ipad, large screen TV anyone? Don't have the money in savings?  CHARGE it!!  We Americans have the debt to prove that the well developed habit of consuming can demonstrate rats superiority. True or False?  Americans spend 95% of their disposable income. (US Department Commerce Bureau of Economic Analysis 2010)

How do we change a habit? Practice. We have practiced the habit (for some an addiction) of spending and consumerism. Yes, advertisers have manipulated us for their bottom lines. Ok, that's their job. It's our job to take our power back and decide how to spend our hard-earned money.  The gift/curse of this economic recession is that we're being forced to really THINK about where and how we want to spend our money. This is good PRACTICE. Let's be careful not to let fear (see previous blog) run the show. Assess where you're at with spending and how do you think about your money? Where's the middle ground with spending? What's one small change you'd like to make regarding any addictive behavior you have?

 

 

 

Is Money the Enemy?

"Fear is not your enemy. It is a compass pointing you to the areas where you need to grow." - Steve Pavlina

I was at an eWomen networking event in Stockton, CA this week and we were asked what kind of challenges we are experiencing in our business? Anxiety and fear came up for many women. Unspoken was that this fear was about our money.

Money fears are  abundant right now and are a huge opportunity for growth. Instead of feeling powerless, helpless or stuck what would happen if we changed how we think about money and took our power back from this recession? What would happen if we decided to stop being afraid? Fear stresses the brain and shuts down creative thinking.

I'm going to share a story about how one country changed it's money consciousness and it's economy. This comes the article: "How Fake Money Saved Brazil" (npr.org/blogs/2010/10/4)

Twenty years ago Brazil's inflation rate hit 80%. Prices in the grocery stores changed every day. The problem started in the 50s and, like a virus, spread. Every president came in with a new plan to deal with the money problem and every plan failed year after year. Brazilians lost their TRUST in money. But four economists who had studied the inflation problem finally got the ear of the President. Their plan? Slow down the creation of money (stop printing it) and stabilize people's faith in money again. The economists created a new currency (fake money - like monopoly money) and then convinced people to use it to buy their goods and services. After a few months, people could see that this new currency was stable and their faith in the value of money returned. Brazil officially made the switch to the new currency which they called the "real."  Inflation basically ended and 20 million people were freed from poverty.

What is the moral of this true story for America? Through our focus - fear or trust and faith - we have the ability to shift our money consciousness.  Yes, it takes practical day to day work yet with the power of our collective will we can shift our economy back to one that is abundant and serves the good of the whole. "When the mindset of what's possible changes reality changes as well." (David Krueger, MD)

Change Your $$ Story, Your Life & The World

We're in a pickle of an economic crisis in this world. Every day I talk to people who have lost their homes, their jobs, their self-esteem and are floundering to find footing. First they have to restabilize their lives and once that's happened I challenge them to understand HOW they ended up where they did, without blaming or judging themselves. Take responsibility for YOUR part in what happened in your life because it is empowering and keeps you out of the victim role.

My coach and mentor, Deborah Price, founder of The Money Coaching Institute in Petaluma and author of Money Magic, says that money tyrants are plentiful right now (you know who they are - Bernie Madoff, Robert Murdoch, the investment banking industry etc.) and if those that are feeling victimized by what's happening don't change their beliefs they can get stuck in the victim mode, a state of powerlessness and blame.

One good reason to go through the challenge of looking at and changing your money story is to empower yourself to understand how you've come to have the relationship with money you have.With awareness comes  CHOICE over habit and therefore the FREEDOM to go where you want to go financially.

I know, I know - it's taking awhile to get to the change steps, but here are two:

1) Change is uncomfortable - Just accept this. When I feel that insecure "changey" place inside myself I take a breath and say "Oh, this is good - I'm moving in the right direction." When my coaching clients set goals for our work together I ask them to set "reasonably uncomfortable" goals that will stretch, but not overwhelm them.

2) Create new money habits: In my first book The Greatest Change of All I talk about the record groove of change. The new brain research reports we have "neuronal paths and neural nets, the highways and villages in our brain..." (Krueger) that occur with repeated thought, feelings & action.After writing your money history, pick a pattern to work on and list 3 action steps to begin the process of change. Now, how will you support yourself to stay focused on this change?

When we change our personal money story it  raises our money consciousness and this creates a ripple effect into our economy. "As we heal ourselves, we heal the world, one person at a time." (LTS - Intentional JOY)

Want More $$? Change Your Money Story

Yesterdays blog "What's Your Money Story?" asked you to write out your "Money Biography" from first memory to the present. I hope you took the time because it primes the pump of the unconscious to start feeding memories, feelings and images into your brain about your $$ history.

You'll notice that money crosses all boundaries and when you do this exercise not only will money memories surface, but lots of family stuff will bubble to the surface. How mom went behind Dad's back to give you money, that dad was stingy with John, but not with Becky, that Eddie stole the money from your piggy bank and wasn't punished. It's juicy territory, but wade carefully and gently.

If you want to change your Money Story, first  pay attention to what works and what doesn't. Appreciate what has worked for you. Really. Then ask what changes do I need/want to make?  If I want to make more $$, how much more, and WHAT will that really do for me? Be specific. Also take into consideration what it will TAKE from you to make more money. More time, hours away from home, a 2nd job, etc. We often want MORE $$ but don't often evaluate the costs.

To continue the process of rewriting your story here are  a few steps Dr. Kreuger lists in his article, "Understanding and Revising Your Money Story:"

1) Recognize authorship - this is your story - from what you learned from your parents, to your assumptions, convictions, behaviors about earning, spending and saving.

2) Own Your Story - Accept all the pieces because accountability is essential to changing our story

3) Assess plot & storylines: Look at and own the behaviors, secrets, hidden messages of the language you use to tell this story. Pay attention to your emotions.

4) Decide what to change. "A habit is not a definition or an identity; it's a choice that gets repeated." (Krueger) I've worked with the process of CHANGE since the early 90s. Changing something as complicated as the way you believe about money is not for sissies. This is why Bestsellers like The Secret don't make everyone a millionaire. Rule #1 - Expect to be uncomfortable. Rule #2 - We will resist change with everything we have. But there are strategies to make the process easier. More tomorrow about HOW to create change with your Money Story.

What's Your Money Story?

What's Your Money Story? What does your money story say about your relationship with money? According to David Krueger, M.D., "a money story is not someone’s income, expenses, assets, debt, or net worth."  It's a part of your total autobiography and one we don't often explore. For example: What is your earliest money memory? I ask that question of my Money Coaching clients. For me, it was taking .50 cents and going to the Red Barn convenience store and buying candy. I don't remember if my mother gave me the money or I took it out of her purse. Denial? Perhaps. What I notice is that too often early money memories are disempowering rather than empowering and these memories affect our current relationship with money.

Our money stories lie beneath the surface of our conscious mind. Dr. Krueger says these stories are the unconscious tales we tell our ourselves, what we say to ourselves about money, and what money says to the world about us. In this money drama we create out of our experiences, beliefs, assumptions and convictions we tell ourselves and the world how much we deserve from money, how much we think we're worth and what we believe we're capable of.

Do you know what your own money story is? Begin by writing your money biography starting with the earliest money memory and coming forward to today year by year. Look for patterns that stand out, mistaken thinking, generational misunderstandings about money. Look at the secrets. Pay attention to your feelings.

In my family, my grandfather was the #1 Top salesman of the largest insurance company in 1929. Then, the Crash. He lost everything, had a nervous breakdown and spent the remainder of his life hospitalized. I never knew about this until a few years ago. But, do you think this created a generational blip on my family's money screen? Yes.

Once you've completed your money bio, journal about your discoveries. Appreciate the positive beliefs, successes and accomplishments of yourself and your family. And, begin the process of forgiveness where appropriate and start re-writing your money story. More on how to do that tomorrow.

Won't More Money Will Solve All My Problems?

"If I just had more money, my problems would be solved." According to Brad Klontz." (author of academic study, "Money Beliefs and Financial Behaviors: Development of the Klontz Money Script Inventory," published in The Journal of Financial Therapy)  most Americans fall into this money belief pattern.

Our self-worth and our net-worth are very intertwined in American culture and our money beliefs are for the most part unexplored and below the surface of awareness. Have you ever overreacted to a financial situation like your spouse asking you something about the household finances and wondered, "What just happened?"  I know I have. That reaction is tied to your unexplored money beliefs, habits, attitudes and patterns.

The Klontz Study says there are four categories of "money scripts": money avoidance, money worship, money status and money vigilance.

Those of us who avoid money distance ourselves from money. (I used to, but no more). They stick their head in the sand, may abuse credit cards, believe they don't deserve to have money and can sabotage themselves and not understand why.

Then there's a money worship group that believe more money or a windfall will solve all my problems. They are status oriented. They will use credit cards to buy to impress others. Anxiety and status can cause people in this group to take  financial risks.

Understanding and exploring your money beliefs and how these affect the financial stress in your life and how you make financial decisions is life changing. Every money coaching client I've worked with has made belief and attitude shifts in the middle of the coaching process because of the light bulbs of awareness that occur. That's exciting and empowering.

Klontz doesn't let people off the hook regarding the homes they bought and couldn't really afford. He says don't blame Wall Street, but "...what led you to buy a house you couldn't afford?" I don't believe in letting the banks off the hook though.

To understand your money attitudes, beliefs and behaviors more read Mind Over Money by the Klontz's or my favorite: Money Magic by Deborah Price.

Is Shopping Till You Drop a Problem?

Is Shopping Till You Drop a Problem? Ever shopped because you're stressed or anxious? To distract yourself from problems or after a fight with your spouse? Because you're bored, lonely? Do you shop every day? What would happened if you didn't? What do you imagine you're really going for when you shop? (What feeling are you trying to deal with, deny or fill?)

I'm one of those odd women who don't like to shop, but I know women who shop every day. It's their go-to stress reliever. Consumerism drives our economy so perhaps we should thank these women. But some of these are compulsive buyers who are addicted to the high and the illusion of relief they get from heading out to the mall, getting the attention from the clerks, placing their purchases in the bag and stepping out of their problems, even for a couple hours. Some of these have lost control of the choice to shop or not, and are suffering with guilt, shame, debt and relationship problems.

April Lane Bensen, editor of "I Shop, There I Am" says 5% of the U.S. population are compulsive shoppers. A Merck Family Fund poll found that 72% of Americans say people (other people, of course) buy things as a substitute for something missing in their lives. Don't you wonder what the NEED is that's being filled by shopping?

Compulsive buying is defined as "purchasing that becomes a primary response to negative feelings and that provides immediate short-term gratification, but will ultimately cause harm to the individual and others." (Ronald J. Farber, University Minn.)

If you're wondering if your shopping is a problem ask yourself a few questions - gently, by the way:

Do I get preoccupied with thinking about or actually buying?

Am I spending more than I can afford to?

Do I have debt (from buying) but that doesn't stop my shopping?

Do I hide my purchases or the amount I'm spending from my partner?

Is my buying behavior causing problems in my relationships?

If you answered yes to many of these questions, are you ready to start dealing with the this problem? Unfortunately, depending on where you're at on the continuum of addictive behavior, it won't go away on it's own.

I recommend April Lane Benson's To Buy or Not to Buy: Why We Overshop and How to Stop or Intentional JOY: How to Turn Stress, Fear & Addiction into Freedom by myself.

More Money = More Happiness

"If I just had more money, life would be happier, better, ok." Does that belief ring a note of truth for you? But is it true? Research shows that once our basic needs are met, more money doesn't actually improve happiness.

When I was a little girl I asked my Dad something about their finances. He yelled, "It's none of your blankety blank business." What did that teach me about money?  It's scary. Better to not think about it.

That experience went into my money memory bank and was forgotten. But not really. The memory bubbled under the surface and affected my $$ decisions. As an young adult I didn't think about money. And, I didn't handle money well. Another time I'll tell you about how I handled my bank account. This is an example of a money memory that becomes a personal money script.

Money Scripts are also cultural. See how many of these blanks you can fill in:

Money is the root of all ______.

Money doesn't grow on ______.

Money can't buy ______.

The rich get richer and the ______.

I bet you like most people can answer every one of those fill ins.  Are the answers primarily negative or positive? That's right - negative. What does that mean? How do you think the negative cultural beliefs that float under the surface of your awareness affect your relationship with money? Let me know. And, by the way, unconscious negative money beliefs make it  hard to accumulate more $$ and keep it.

Money Doesn't Talk - It Screams

"Money doesn't talk - It screams."

Bob Dylan

Like sex in the 50s or family abuse secrets in the 70s, the subject of money is taboo.  Sshh... Don't talk about your money.

We don't talk about how much money we make, whether we can pay our bills or not, or the financial stress or hardship we're experiencing. It's embarrassing and we think we're alone, but we're not.  There's a saying from the field of psychology, that we're only as sick as the secrets we keep. And, money is the last taboo.

See if you relate to any of these thoughts or beliefs about money that Louse Hay discusses in her article, "Are You Friends With Your Money?"

* I can't save money

* I don't earn enough

* My credit rating is bad

* Why does everyone else have money?

* Bankruptcy is around the corner

Notice these are all fear based thoughts about money. Because of the economy there's a lot of fear and negativity stirring up our money issues. This is actually good if we take steps to not let the fear overwhelm our ability to take positive action by working diligently to be real about our fears and take our power back.

The first step out of money fear is to break denial and tell the truth to yourself and your spouse. Make a list of all the money you owe and the money coming in.  Create an action plan and look at your list every day while taking daily small incremental steps - pay $10.00 on PGE, talk to the bank, again, send out 10 resumes. Staying on track with an action plan will help you feel more in control.

Financial freedom takes work. You start where you are. Tell the truth, take daily steps, plan, stay conscious and don't forget to dream and envision what you want. The American Dream isn't dead, but it's been tarnished. It's up to us to shine it up again.

Retirement is NOT for broke women

Retirement is NOT for Broke Women!

Do you have retirement visions of taking a trip to Europe, spending a month traveling the U.S., or hiking the Appalachian trail? (Me neither on the hiking.) Did you know that most women retire without enough money to live comfortably let alone travel they way they would like.

Women also have to take into retirement planning the fact that we still make only 77 cents to the man’s dollar. And, research shows that women that divorce or are widowed are out of money within 5 years. It’s not fun or comfortable to face our financial realities, but better now than later.

Do you know how much monthly income you’ll need to retire at your current lifestyle? Have you actually sat down and calculated it out? Financial denial is not the same as a PLAN.

Here are three simple steps to get you moving:

1) Know what you can expect from social security. (You can request a statement that provides estimated benefits.)

2) Project out your estimated monthly income and expenses

3) Start saving NOW – no excuses.

Email me and I’ll send you a FREE copy of an easy to use retirement estimator my husband Dave put together.

"Single, Female, Retire….Broke" Modesto Bee June 19

If you have found this article helpful, please forward it onto others.

Personal Note

Whew – I have been caught up in fear recently because of some family difficulty. I’ve let the drama of a situation upset me and have been "what if’ing, blaming and projecting." Hmm…. This is not usual behavior for me and I’m reminded of the following quote:

"Nothing ever goes away until it has
taught us what we need to know."
(Frequency by Penney Peirce)

Apparently I need more understanding and releasing of the life lesson that’s up. I try very hard to be authentic and speak my truth and it’s not easy. We all have a lens made up of our beliefs, feelings, and experiences through which we see the world. Trying to communicate what I perceive as my truth isn’t always heard. Nor do I always hear what someone else is saying if I’m letting emotion override thinking.

If you’re experiencing family challenges, emotional ups and downs, illness, deaths, job loss or economic challenges – and who isn’t? –take a breath (or 30), try to step back and be the observer, think before responding, be gentle with yourself, get support, (thank you Dave & friends) and TRUST yourself and the Divine that at it’s core everything will be ok.

Upcoming Events

I’m all about empowering women to SUCCEEDand in this economy it’s taking everything we have to stay focused, centered, make $$ and have FUN.

If you’re STRESSED, Overwhelmed, Too Busy, Yet Ready for Greater Success (& Balance)

Then -

THE SUCCESSFUL WOMEN’S SUPPORT GROUP is for you.

– Here’s what you’ll receive:

· Heart & Soul Connections with Self & Others
· Strategies to move your business forward – Goals, Action, Accountability
· Stress Relief Practices 
· Guided Imagery & Breathing Meditation
· Vision Board
· Emotional Management Strategies
· Support (did I say FUN?)

When: Meets Monthly. First group - Monday, July 18th, 6:30 – 8:30 p.m.

Where: Unity Church 2467 Veneman Ave. (near Mall)

Investment: $25.00 each month

Register: www.lynntelfordsahl.com (look for arm in arm women on the left and click) or call 492-8745

 Money Coaching

"I highly recommend Money Coaching to anyone that wants to move forward in their financial life. It rapidly shifted old $$ beliefs - very powerful."

*Do you ever wonder why you keep making the same mistakes with Money?

*Do you either avoid thinking about $$ or obsess and worry about it?

* Do you have any $$ addictive issues like overspending or hoarding?

Money Coaching shines the light of understanding on patterns, behaviors & attitudes that are not working or are limiting.

This Four Session process takes you through a specific, detailed process to understand where and how your Money Patterns & Scripts developed, Identify your Money Type, make sure your Gifts & Talents aren’t underutilized and begin the process to transform your relationship with $$ so you express your full earning & abundance potential.

Introductory Offer: $597.00 for 4 one to one and a half hour sessions - Summer Special– Register by July 1 Only $397.00

By phone or in-person sessions

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER NOW!

Spotlight

Kristina McElvy, Zumba Instructor

"I've taken Kristina's classes and they are a lot of FUN. Check out the YouTube clip below." Lynn

Kristina’s Zumba goal is to Inspire, Motivate and Help People reach their Fitness Goals. She cherishes each and every client and the friendships she makes. If you are tired of the same, boring workout, Zumba is for you! We burn up to 900 calories an hour, and have fun doing it! I also teach Zumbatomics for children ages 4-12!

Kristina McElvy, Get Fit Guaranteed
(209) 404-1306
www.modestozumba.com
kristina.mcelvy@yahoo.com
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Lynn Recommends:

"The Hit Book"
New York Daily News

Intentional Joy

Read the first chapter now!

Available in Book or CD!

Resources:

$$ Books

I’m a voracious reader so I will pass along books, blogs, and other information I think you’ll find helpful for your “Business & your Balance.”

Two excellent money books:

Money Magic by Deborah Price Order thru Amazon or B&N

Mind Over Money by Klontz & Klontz