Money Stress: 3 Tips to Feel Better

What’s the top reason for divorce? Money problems. And, money stress, is the number 1 stressor for 80% of Americans. Symptoms include:

Headaches, depression, heart attacks, muscle tension and back pain and ulcers and digestive problems.  Notfun.

But what exactly is stressing you about your money situation? Pick your top stressor:  Debt, lack of income, not saving enough, fights with your partner, just not knowing where to begin?

Tip 1: Talk About Money

Especially for women, talking about what’s really going on lightens the load and makes you realize you’re not alone.  As I give presentations about money to women in business I hear over and over about the struggles with money. Until we talk about what’s going on we FEEL we’re the only one.  Find a friend or family member to confide in. If there isn’t one available, I offer a FREE 15 minute consult (LINK HERE209 492-8745 or email me lynntelfordsahl@gmail.com)

Stress Busting Breakthrough Tip:

Tip 2: BREATHE  I know, I know. Breathing won’t CHANGE your money situation, but when the body relaxes the mind relaxes and solutions become more clear. 

Here’s How:  Exhale first. Breathe in the to the count of 6, hold for a moment and exhale to the count of 6. Take 10 breaths at least 3 x a day.  I’ve taught breathing as stress reduction for over 20 years and it’s the #1 most effective tip. It’s FREE, can be done anytime, anywhere.

Tip 3:  Create a Plan:  You have to start somewhere. Get the bill folder out, the credit card slips. Tally up what you owe.  Now you know. It may not be pretty, but not knowing often creates more anxiety. Next step? Figure out what you can pay weekly or monthly – better to pay something than nothing.  LearnVest.com is a terrific website for financial help. Feel a little better?

Fifty Shades of Green – Attn: Women in Business

Attention Women in Business: What’s a bigger discussion taboo around the dinner table?  (Adult dinner table, of course) Money or sex? No doubt about it, money.

If you’re a woman you’ve probably read “Fifty Shades of Grey” and have been talking about it with your friends. But I bet you haven’t talked about Fifty Shades of Green – a more important (but less lustful) topic to your bottom line than the characters of Christian Grey or Anastasia Steele could ever be. 

Isn't it hard to talk about money? It’s stressful and sometimes scary. Money in the world of Fifty Shades is full of fun and fantasy – palatial apartments, new cars given to girlfriends, helicopter rides for first dates. (Hello handsome, sexy Christian Grey). For us mortals though, money is hard to tell the truth about because we always think others know more than we do, or that they’re doing better than us. (Probably not true – and you can’t tell by what size house your friend lives in or how much shopping they do).  In the real world, money is mundane, boring, and sometimes darn right uncomfortable – you know all those bills we’re not paying.

But if you really want to be a successful woman in business you need to talk about money – with your spouse, with your business partners, and yes, with your girlfriends. Not shopping talk, but real financial talk. Here are some questions to get you started:  1) What are your top money stressors? 2) Who is your financial advisor and is it a woman? 3) Without talking specific numbers – are you making the money you want to be making?  4) What’s the biggest obstacle to making the money you’d like?  5) What wildly fun thing would you like to do when you have more money?  (Notice I said when, not if). Let’s make money talk less stressful and more JOYful and help ourselves and help each other succeed AND read exciting, sexy novels.

Should You Walk Away From Crushing Debt?

Should you walk Away from Crushing Debt?  I talk to women in business every week about money and where they are at with debt and I feel their pain. While I was speaking in front of a group of small business owners a couple weeks ago about the mistakes women make with money an older woman, I'll call Joan, had tears running down her face. Joan got up to leave quickly after I finished and I walked out with her. Over 60, no income to speak of, debt she can't pay, overwhelming bills, but is still trying to pay what she can, has a house mortgage that's upside down, and doesn't know what to do.  I recommended she talk to a bankruptcy attorney. She had and didn't have the money to pay the attorney. I also suggested she ask her friends for contributions of whatever they can afford to help her with towards the attorney's fees of about $1200.00. And, I offered the first amount.  Shame and guilt keep us from asking for help. We have to forgive ourselves and get over that because we do need help at times. 

Here's another alternative by Nicholas Carroll who wrote "Walk Away From Debt for a Better Future," and writes for The Huffington Post. He has a little different take on why people SHOULD walk away from debt.  He says, "it is the responsibility of local business owners, business managers, and the self-employed to support their employees and 9-to-5 friends in walking away from crushing debt and keep the money in the community. Mr. Carroll says when we pay on debt the money leaves our communities, but when we stop paying and then use that money in our local communities, it benefits our area, not Wall Street. Carroll goes on to say that we can't look to Washington, D.C. for help and many company employees want to do the RIGHT thing and pay their bills, but are drowning in debt.

If you know how to set up budgets and look at the big financial picture, sit down with your friends or employees and help them figure out where they are - the total debt owed, the amount of the loan mortgage, interest and payments (if the house is over 100K upside down), credit card total debt, and really consider what the payment is, whether you can afford the payment and how long it will take for the value of the house to catch up). If necessary contact a bankruptcy attorney who can walk you through the process to decide if bankruptcy is the right choice.   

Do you think Mr. Carroll has a good point that morality has kept many good people from walking away from debt at their expense, rather than Wall Street's?  He says the new moralty is to support friends to walk away from crushing debt and in doing so support our communities to keep money flowing.

Excuses, Excuses: 3 Reasons Why Women in Business Are Still Broke

Excuses, excuses.  There are reasons why you're still broke. Do you treat money with the respect it deserves? Perhaps you ignore your money (or should I say the balance in your checking account) except when you need to buy that pair of shoes on sale. Or, you live from pay-check to pay check, hoping you’ll make it to the end of the month, but never quite sure. Anxiety provoking? Yes. On one side of the money coin are those that aren't making enough money and struggle. But, I hear from women all the time on the other side of the NO Respect coin. They make plenty of money, but don’t know where it goes or feel out of control because they're not managing it well.

First Excuse: Not saving enough. This is the #1 suggestion in Money Magazine’s July 2012 article “101 Ways to Build Wealth” – instead of 10% of your pay, start saving 15% - boosts your pre-retirement income from 57% to 69% and that’s huge. Retirement comes faster than you can imagine!

Excuse #2:  Women Spend on Piddly Things: Women spend on beauty products, shoes, purses – things that don’t last and don’t add real value to their wealth. LearnVest says “spending on a vacation or a clothing item that revolutionizes your wardrobe are totally worthwhile and prioritize your spending.”    *hyperlink and hyperlink back to one of my blogs)

Excuse #3:  It's My Parents Fault: Yes, our parents spending, saving or earning habits affect how we feel and think about money. Are you frugal to the point it hurts? Or are you an avoider like your mom was? Or a bit of a tyrant with others as your dad could be around bill paying time?  Becoming aware of how our parents money habits affects ours starts the process of unhooking and reclaiming our own responsible relationship with our money. Are you ready to give up your excuses? Money is not important for the paper or coin it is – it’s important for the choices it gives us. Do you ever look in the mirror and wonder: What are the steps to going from broke to respectful with my money?  

How Much Money Is Enough for Peace?

A friend of mine has a saying, “If you want to know what you believe, look at what you’re experiencing.” So true. But many of us don’t want to look at what we believe or how we behave with money because we’re afraid of what we might find. And, we often don’t have a safe way of doing so. That’s where money coaching is helpful.

What we believe affects how much money we make, manage or or build for the future. For example, the overspender justifies her purchases with excuses - “Well, I’m not spending that much, I only shop at the dollar store.” The avoider doesn’t look at his bank account balance, or save for retirement because it’s too far away to feel real.

Our core money beliefs are ingrained deeply within. We have  we’ve stopped asking WHY we need to work so hard or acquire money.  But what money means to us is a key question to understand. Kansas State University and the Klontz Consulting Group show that How much money is enough for you? That’s a question I ask when giving presentations and the answer tends to be twice what they’re currently earning. When they reach that next goal? The new goal is – you see where we’re going here – twice again.

Take the Quiz by clicking on this link and find out if the beliefs that run your money bus are: Money Worship, Money Vigilance, Money Avoidance, or Money Status and you’ll find there are recommended steps to deal with each type.  Then call or email me and we’ll talk about the results in a 15 minute complimentary conversation. 

Cash Mobs & LookLocal: Have Fun & Do Good Locally

Cash mob’s are to generating cash for local businesses as flash mob was to spontaneous “planned” happenings at train stations, family parties, or events.  I first saw Cash Mob on Facebook and thought what an inspiring way to help locally owned businesses. 

The goal of Cash Mob is to encourage local shoppers to go to a small, locally owned businesses and spend $20.00 on a specific day. This creates cash flow for the local business, is FUN because you’re participating in something bigger than yourself and stimulates your local economy. Facebook your friends and target your favorite store!!

Two people are credited with starting Cash Mob’s. The originator was a blogger, Christopher Smith of New York in Aug 2011 and Andrew Samtoy, an attorney, independently started his own version in Nov of 2011. 

If you’re looking for a local Cash Mob business to support, Intrinsic Elements at 1214 J Street, downtown Modesto is hosting one on June 26^th from 5:15 to 6:15 p.m. No set amount to spend, just go in, meet the owners Susie & Michellen!!

Along the same “stimulate the economy” lines is the 3/50 Project or LookLocal. There are a number of Modesto businesses involved: The Green’s, Bonnie J’s, Intrinsic Elements, to name a few.  “If ½ the working population spent $50.00 a month three times at locally owned businesses, on a national level, 64 billion dollars would go back into the economy.” (from 350 Organization).

So, go have FUN and do GOOD!! 

Just Like Overeating, Bad Money Habits Can Be Changed – There’s an APP!

Losing weight and keeping it off has always been tough. But bad spending habits can be just as challenging and destructive. Now there are Apps like Urge or Make a Habit, Break a Habit (see below) to make it easier to stay on track with behavior changes.

What kind of bad money habits do you have?  Are you an unconscious spender or compulsive shopper? Do you go to the mall and two hours later have bags of purchases and you can't remember what exactly you paid for them?  Are you a secret shopper? And, I don’t mean the kind that’s hired by Safeway to check up on their customer service. I mean do you sneak your purchases home when your husband is busy and hide them so you don’t feel guilty, or get grilled? Do you struggle to maintain a budget or is budget a word you haven’t yet acquainted yourself with?

Changing our habits is not for the weak willed. We need help. Like poor spending habits, food, weight and exercise habits have been particularly tough to change long term. But Behavorial Modification programs are getting positive attention again and are based on making small incremental changes that build progress over time. You may be surprised to know that Weight Watchers is basically a behavorial modification program and it’s one of the most effective.

For those of you that have a money problem there are apps like Lose It, or Make a Habit, Break a Habit which lets users choose the behavior they’d like to change, like shopping less, or Urge, which “prompts users to hold off on impulse purchases to hit budgeting goals.”

These Apps are exciting, cool and they work because they improve on the principles of good ol’ 12 Step Programs – support, feedback, slow steady changes and the good feelings that come with healthy change.  (The Perfected Self by David H Freedman, The Atlantic June 2012)

“I’m Mad As Hell – About The Price of College”

“I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore,” is the famous quote from the 1976 movie "Network" starring Peter Finch. That phrase incited audiences to take action! Boy, do we need action now!!

Here's my question: What is it going to take for people to get angry enough to keep the pressure on our legislators about the ever increasing and inflationary price of college?

The New York Times had an article last weekend about college grads who have over $100,000 of debt, can’t find a job in their field and are working for $8.00 an hour with payments of $800.00 a month.  Do you know how long it will take that young person to pay off $100,000 debt? Right - basically forever.

And, of course, unlike working adults who get into too much debt, student loans can’t be defaulted on without serious consequences. So the trap has been set.  Are we as a nation deliberately handicapping our college students with overwhelming debt just like their parents were set up by credit card companies? We see how well the super consumerism backed of the 90s created bankruptcies in the millions, homes lost, savings devastated and lifestyles changed irrevocably. And, yes, being a Certified Money Coach and a therapist, I think personal responsibility is a must, but there's a responsibility that needs to be borne by the banking and financial institutions as well!

In order to maintain a middle class we have to keep public education available at reasonable rates. Pay particular attention to the privatizing of colleges which have astromonically escalated the cost of a college education!!  Enough – Get Angry and Take Constructive Action for your children and grandchildren now!! I'm curious what you think - how is the rising cost of a college education affecting your ability to send your children to college?

Women in Business: Fear & Worry Like Monsters Under the Bed

I’m talking to women in business every week that are barely getting by and they’re scared. I understand. These women have lost their corporate jobs, many have started part-time Direct Sales or MLM type businesses and are struggling to get them producing enough income. After all, many start-ups are undercapitalized and it still takes 3-5 years to get a business off the ground.

Fear and worry are like monsters under the bed. They get bigger and scarier if we focus on them. What to do when fear or worry takes you down the slippery path of depression and non-productivity?

First thing, BREATHE. I know, it sounds like nothing, but believe me taking 10 breaths deep into your belly and exhaling fully reduces the STRESS response. As the body relaxes, the mind relaxes.  Then you can strategize.

Second:  Take stock – Don’t stick your head in the sand – analyze your finances – what cash is coming in and what is going out? Ask the question:  What’s the worse that can happen?  Now you know. Sometimes it’s not as bad as your worry has made the situation seem. Sometimes it’s worse. But you’re facing reality. 

Third: Create a Plan:  What can I do to generate money quickly? What does my business have that others need? How can I get in front of those people? Do I need financial help? If so, from whom might I get a short – term loan? (Friends, family, credit union?)  If you don’t have a business plan, get one – lots of on-line help available or SCORE exists in most cities.

Fourth:  Support – We all need at least one person who we can tell the truth to. Who will support us to look beyond our fears into our positive future. This Great Recession has knocked around the financial hearts and souls of women (& men) but we have to stay positive and proactive and focus on where we want to go and how we’ll get there.  Check out upcoming FREE Teleseminar: Strategies for Staying Positive May 24^th http://lynntelfordsahl.com/strategies-for-staying-pos/?SSScrollPosition=0

Poor Money Attitudes: How to Retrain Your Money Brain

My Money Attitude for much of my adult life was avoidance. Except for paying the bills and talking to our financial advisor once a year, I didn’t think about money much. I worked as an addiction specialist for over 20 years and was more focused on helping than how much money was coming in. Then I started a coaching practice, my husband will be retiring, and last year I became Certified as a Money Coach. Now, I’m VERY interested to know more about money and how I and others, think about, manage and especially mismanage their money. 

Here's a Quick Money Assessment:

Is your current attitude about your money more based on fear or peaceful?

Fear  ___ Peaceful  ___

Do you feel in control of your money? Y  N

Or out of control, overwhelmed?  Y N 

Do you actively manage your money on a daily or frequent basis  ? Y N

Do you avoid checking your balance? Y N  

If you’re 35 or older, are you actively saving towards retirement?  Y N

What I hear when I talk with clients is that our attitudes about money are all over the board – from total avoidance to obsessive worry.  Neither effective strategies for feeling good about our money or helping it grow.

I also notice that people are rather clueless about how to manage the money available. I was and who can blame us? What money management practices did your parents teach you? There are folks may look really good from the outside – nice house, car, pretty clothes, upscale lifestyle. But because I’m a Money Coach I see what goes on behind their financial doors – not so functional.  No judgment or blame – they’re doing what they believe they need to do to feel good about themselves.

Steve Repak’s new book: “Dollars & Uncommon Sense: Basic Training for Your Money,” suggests that retraining the mind is essential to changing your money habits and that it’s never too late. First he says you have to commit to wanting things to change, to be different.  So true, as the addiction author Ernie Larsen said, “If nothing changes, nothing changes.” Repak suggests starting with small changes –  instead of going out to lunch every day (can save 150.00 a month easy there) pack a lunch. Commit to reducing debt one card at a time. (Nothing new there.) And, this is my encouragement – stay focused on your financial goals, which means you need to have some to begin with. A good first step is to know where you’re at – income, expenses, bills, needs and wants.