Massage Therapists & Healers - Set a Bold Financial Goal for 2012

  “Are you living your values, but not earning enough to live your dreams”, asks Lois Frankel, of Nice Girls Don’t Get Rich. As a therapist and “healer” I was stuck in that “I’m a healer so I can’t charge what I’m worth” illusion for years. This is a common problem for women in business who are in the helping professions. We have a black and white way of thinking about money and helping people.  If we are helpers then we believe we shouldn’t be focused on earning money. What nonsense. I’ve figured out there is a middle ground and we can have both – be happy healers with a bountiful paycheck.

Unfortunately, most of the therapists/healers I’ve known over the last twenty + years are crappy business women. Meaning, they don’t market their practices or treat their practice like a business. For example, as a massage therapist, family therapist, energy healer – do you have a business plan, a marketing plan, attend networking functions, join The Chamber of Commerce, pay attention to cash in and out flow, regularly do a balance sheet and a profit and loss at least quarterly? That used to be me, but I’ve found my inner business savy and it is blooming!!

One important step to break out of the old “I’m a healer, it’s not spiritual for me to make money” rut is to set a BOLD Financial Goal for 2012. Do that today and in the next blog learn where your money speedometer is set and how to reset it to match your Bold Money Goal. When we take charge of our money we create financial peace.

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Lynn Telford-Sahl, M.A. Psychology, "Certified Money Coach":http://www.lynntelfordsahl.com, helps women in business achieve their dreams by getting their money house in order. Lynn has been coaching, speaking & conducting workshops for 8 years and has a 20+ year background in counseling. Lynn is also the author of two books: Intentional JOY: How to Turn Stress, Fear & Addiction into Freedom & The Greatest Change of All. Both books are available online at www.coachingmodesto.com. As an experienced "money coach for women in business":http://www.lynntelfordsahl.com, Lynn offers a FREE 15 Minute phone consult for any Money Challenge you are experiencing. (209) 492-8745 orlynntelfordsahl@gmail.com

Women in Business: Keep Your Foot on The Gas Pedal!

 The 1.6 Billion Dollar woman in business, Facebook’s second in command, Sheryl Sandberg says “women need to keep your foot on the gas pedal and aim high.” Ms. Sandberg who was recently speaking at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland and her subject was women! Should Facebook’s launch go as planned Ms. Sandberg will be worth approximately 1.6 billion.  She’s one of a very few self-made women billionares. Go girl!!

Sheryl Sandberg is to the promotion of women in business as Steve Jobs was to the promotion of Apple. Her focus on women makes perfect business sense for her role in Facebook as 71% of daily fan activity and 62% of all activity is driven by women*. Women need role models who aim high and are super successful. Young women flock to hear her speak because she’s so passionate about empowering them.

All high profile people generate some backlash and there are those that say her wild success is because, as a woman in business, Ms. Sandberg has had luck and advantages others don’t have. It’s true, most women in business don’t attend Harvard or Harvard Business School. But she’s noted to be “super smart and savvy,” has obviously put to good use her business education, training and “luck,” and she’s dedicated to supporting more women into upper echelon positions.  Here’s a link to a YouTube video where Sandra talks about why women don’t make it into top positions and what to do about it. Excellent. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18uDutylDa4  (*NY Times, Feb 5^th 2012 The $1.6 Billion Woman, Staying on Message)

Women in Business Don’t Take Enough Financial Risks

Is it true that women in business don’t take the financial risks necessary to get ahead? We know that women still earn only 78 cents on the dollar compared to men and though there are plenty of women middle managers, there are dismally few at the CEO level. According to Lois P Frankel, author of Nice Girls Don’t Get Rich, these are symptoms that reflect the social training girls and young women receive about “doing good and being nice” over getting ahead. Making money and being the good girl, wife, or employee can be in direct opposition to a path of power and women will often pick the path of least resistance. Though understandable, this is not a great strategy for your bottom line, (and I don’t mean the bottom you sit on). This is especially true as women move into their retirement years.

What are the risks women should be taking?  To name a very few: 1) starting a new business or 2) investing in real estate or the market or 3) NOT giving their adult children money to bail them out of self-induced situations. This last one is a huge money mistake for women and pops up all the time with my Money Coaching clients.

Women in Business: Here are a couple questions to think about to give you Financial Peace:  1) Where do I sit on the risk continuum? Am I fairly conservative, risk aversive and so need to work for someone and get a steady paycheck? Or am I ready to leap tall “start my own company” buildings, and get sound business help to do so? 

2) What risk am I willing to take in 2012? It could be as simple writing down all your purchases for thirty days. As Ellen the talk show host says in her new book: Seriously, I’m Kidding, (paraphrasing) “Stretching is more than doing yoga, it’s taking risks.”

Is It True That Nice Girls Don't Get Rich?

Nice Girls Don't Get Rich author Lois Frankel, Ph.D (a rich woman in more ways than one) says that many of the characteristics that make women uniquely feminine are the very same behaviors that prevent them from becoming financially independent. What does she mean by that?

Women are socialized to be the caretakers and still today more women go into the helping professions than men, which don't pay as well as other professions. Ms. Frankel says she spent "the first half her adult life believing that doing good and doing well were mutually exclusive." 

Take a look at this "nice girl" programming and see what you think:

* Money is power, and most little girls are not taught to be powerful - they're taught to be "nice."

Are girls getting a different message today? I'm not so sure. Women are still called the "B" word when they act assertive, and not just by men. My cousin Kim Kelly, a professional polo player (horses not water) was treated bad by the male polo players, but got little support by women players.  It makes me sad when I hear women putting down other women with comments like: "Women are so catty," or I hate working in an office of "backstabbing" women. I've always expected the best from women and that's what I've experienced.

* Girls are socialized to be caretakers, nurturers and accomodators - not necessarily breadwinners. (But many of us are.) 

It's wonderful to be caring and loving. And, we know that taking care of a family, on top of a job, is exactly what it sounds like - 2 jobs!! One solution I'd like to see is better child care help in terms of subsidies. If we can subsidize big business, what about working women with young children? It will take more women in Congress to accomplish this. Currently America has one of the lowest representations of women (16%) of any of the industrialized nations.

* Women are more likely to spend their income on their children and the household, whereas men are more likely to be prudent about investing.  Women ARE the consumers in our culture. Something like 80% of goods bought are bought by women. That's all fine, but we have to get better at saving and thinking of our future - afterall, as I've said before in this blog, all those shoes in our closet won't feed or house us in retirement.

Two questions for you to Consider:  What do you think it will take for us women to be both "nice" and powerful with our money? What would happen if you stopped being so concerned about whether others see you as "nice" and focused more on making and keeping more of your money? 

Why Are Only 8% of Women Ready for Retirement?

Women control 51% of the wealth in America. I was shocked and pleased to hear that and yet many, many women I talk with aren't planning soon enough or saving anywhere enough for retirement. Instead what I observe is that women often don't want to think about retirement. And, while I understand, retirement going to be here sooner than we'd like to imagine.

Women are working very hard in their businesses, caring for their children, their families (including elderly parents). Who has the time to consider and plan how to make their money work for them?  When I'm coaching women in business I assess how much income they're earning, if they feel they're charging enough (often not), how their spending is, the amount of debt they are carrying and whether they have a 401(k) or other investment vehicle. 

Here are three things women need to do. And remember: "A man is not an retirement plan."Deborah Price, Money Magic

1) Just Start an investment account. The earlier the better. "For the first time, women in the work force full time are just as likely to have access to a 401(k) as men and their participation rate is as high as we've seen." Catherine Collinson, president, Transamerica Center for Retirement Studies. (Modesto Bee 2-5-2012)

2) Know what you'll need to replace your income in retirement and maintain your lifestye. Google retirement calculator, pick one and plug in social security, other income and expenses. This exercise is not as fun as going shopping, but when you're 75 and either don't want to work or are unable to, all those shoes or beauty products you're buying today aren't going to keep you warm or add to your income. But the $50.00 a automatically deducted each and every month can and will.

3) Take more risks. Women don't often take investment risks. I'm financially conservative myself, yet we want our money to work as hard for us as we've worked to obtain it. Women still only earn 78 cents on the dollar compared to men. We take time off to have children or caretake others. The really savvy women I know do take calculated risks. One of my friends has been a real estate investor for 30 years and built quite a retirement fund for herself. Here's to you taking charge of your money today so it works for you tomorrow!!

Money, The Super Bowl & Gotta Have A Big Screen TV!

Television companies LOVE Super Bowl Month. That's when 4.5 million of you bought new big screen TV sets in 2011, which was up from 3.6 million in 2010. Now, here's the question: If you're impulsively buying a new TV this season, are you more likely to use credit or pay cash? And, which part of your brain do you think is in charge of this decision - your logical neocortex or your more emotional midbrain? And why could the latter be a huge problem? (Well, not for the credit card companies.)

Before I answer those questions, think about this:  *"Would you rather have $15 in two weeks or $20 in four weeks?" According to fMRI brain imaging scans taken while the person is pondering, this question lights up your prefrontal cortex because it asks you to project into the future. But this next question:  "Would you rather have $15 now or $20 in 2 days?" shows that the logical ignores that question and the primitive brain lights up. This is why we get into big trouble as consumers. If we want something and we want it NOW we will have it. Just CHARGE IT, right?

Of course we all know that consumer debt is a problem that creates strife and struggle. For you Cpa’s or Financial Advisors this piece around emotional decisions vs. logical is key when you’re advising your clients to save and invest in their future. Saving for the future is a prefrontal logical decision. Unfortunately, the emotional brain is all too often in charge.  We all know of someone (cough, cough) who know they SHOULD be saving for their future or be adding money into their 401K. But the immediate reward of NOW wins out. 

To help keep your logical brain in charge of major decisions, Dr. Krueger says to avoid making important money decisions when you're emotional or too tired, wait and sleep on big decisions and have a plan that you STICK to. There's an acronym from 12 Step Programs: HALT: which means to avoid getting too hungry, angry, longely or tired because these are vulnerable states of mind. 

(*from The Secret Language of Money, David Krueger, M.D.) 

Widow Alert: A Man Is Not a Retirement Plan & Social Security is No Savior!

My coach and mentor Deborah Price of The Money Coaching Institute in Petaluma, CA says that most widows are out of money within 5 years. Whew!! Frightening. She also says: "A Man is not a retirement plan." As a Money Coach I talk to women every day who avoid the topic of retirement, or the subject of money in general. I understand, I used to be one of those women!!

But life can provide rude awakenings so please read on and I'll share a true story with you:  I was at a party and got to talking to a woman about money because she asked me what I do. Glenda (name changed) told me that she’s now 75. When she was 59 her husband died unexpectedly at 66. She called Social Security to find out about her benefits as she assumed she would receive 70% of his monthly amount and was shocked to find out that for each month she was NOT 65 Social Security deducted ½% of his total. She ended up receiving 40%, a very different amount than she had planned on or needed to live the comfortable lifestyle they had together. (Note: I've since talked to a really sharp financial advisor and she's investigating whether it's possible for her to now change and take her own SS benefits over her husbands).

I have a friend who just lost her husband, again unexpectedly. He was 72 and she’s 47. They have no children so she will only receive a $250.00 death benefit and has no right to any of his social security. I know he thought she’d be fine when he went. But, she no longer has his income which amounted to most of their monthly income.

The moral of these stories?  Know what Social Security will and will not provide, make sure you have life insurance, (my 47 year old friends husband did not) and have a financial advisor calculate out the amount of money you will need per month to maintain at least 75% of your income. Start an automatic savings program and find a good financial advisor in your area. Ask around and if you're a woman in business try to find a good female adviser. Losing a husband is a huge loss and financial problems complicate everything. Start thinking about and planning not only the IDEAL retirement, but for the worse-case scenarios and you'll be ok financially.

What Money Secrets Do You Keep from Your Spouse?

Shh.... Did you tell your spouse or partner how much you really spent for Christmas? What would they say if they knew? What other money secrets do you keep? Do you have a secret credit card hidden away for those little shopping sprees? Do you shop and then sneak the packages into the house when he's not home? Do you gamble with the boys and tell your wife you spent $50.00 when it was really $200.00? Do you have a secret savings account just for your own emergencies? This behavior is called financial infidelity, a term coined by Brad & Ted Klontz, authors of Mind Over Money, and it means "deliberately and surreptitiously keeping a major secret about one's spending or finances from one's partner."

Money secrets are powerful. And, we come by keeping our secrets in part because we're not taught to talk about money, much less tell the truth about it. The other part often comes from watching how our parents behaved with money. If not talking or telling the truth about money causes such problems, why do we do it? According to the Klontz's it stems from trust issues rooted in chidhood as we observe our parents. Good questions to ask to explore this for yourself: How did my parents act with money? Did they keep secrets from each other? How did I know? Most couples start lying about their spending to avoid conflict. Understandable, but unfortunately avoidance doesn't solve problems.

Money is the #1 stressor and source of conflict for most couples. I know it was for my husband and I for many years. Well, it was and it wasn't. We didn't talk about it except when he was reconciling the check book. Or, when he would try to talk with me about money and I'd either burst into tears or get angry and push him away. Neither one of these reactions was an effective way to solve whatever financial situation was up. 

Change requires doing something different. Here are a few things to get you started. 1) Make a date to talk with your partner and establish that the talk is a safe place to tell the truth. 2) Discuss what money means to you 3) Share what your memories are of how your parents were with money and how that's affected you as an adult. Keep the discussion going and be supportive rather than angry or blaming.

Women - Get Your Money House In Order

Money is power and women are taught to be nice, not powerful. Really. Think about that. From the time we're little girls we're taught to think about others and to override our own feelings for the sake of someone else's. Boys are taught to win and compete and they feel very comfortable with that. Personally, I believe we women can be powerful AND nice.

In order to get your Money House in Order first identify one or two mistakes you've been making with money. Here are a few to pick from. Try to be objective and don't blame yourself. The powerful stance is to take responsibility, learn from our mistakes and make new decisions to take new action this coming year.

Mistakes Women Make with Money:

1) Spend Unconsciously: Piddle money away on things like Starbucks, another pair of shoes, fast food.

Money House in Order Power Tip:  Get a small notebook or on a SmartPhone use the Note function and track every single expenditure over the next 30 days. Eye-opening. 

2) Take Care of Others Before Take Care of Self Financially: How many times have you (to be nice) given money to your adult children, boyfriends, partners, parents, people in need rather than save more of it for your future?  

Money House in Order Power Tip: Consider that most women don't have enough money to live comfortably in retirement, especially single women. Give, but give consciously and sometimes giving to adult children is financial enabling and hurts rather than truly helps.  

3) Overspend or Overshop to Cope with Anxiety, Stress or Just Because:  Women waste so much money on things they don't need. "A need is replacing something that's worn out. A want is everything else." ( Peggy Gardiner, Professional Organizer)  It's fun to shop. I get it. But, stay conscious of the immediate pleasure vs. how your money needs to work for you over the long term.

Money House in Order Power Tip: If you tend to shop when feeling anxious or stressed take a PAUSE to think rather than shop out of habit. During this pause take 10 breaths.  Ask yourself - what do I really need? Time, relaxation, listening to, fun, pleasure?  What are other ways I can satisfiy this? How much can I really afford to spend? What's the most powerful thing I can do with this money?  

Here's to you getting your money house in order and as a result feeling and being more powerful with your financial choices.  Remember, you can be nice and powerful.  

Big Girl ACTION: 

1)  For fun, take the Money Type Quiz to find out whether you’re a Warrior Money Type – focused and disciplined or possibly a Fool – happy-go-lucky, not necessarily good at paying the bills.  Lynn offers a FREE 15 minute results phone consult. 

Overspending and Overeating – Can You Ever Get Enough?

Overspending and Overeating: Can you ever get enough? No, not to "make you happy, except temporarily." Did you overspend or overeat during the Holidays? More than usual? Are you not surprised to learn that these two behaviors often go together in the same female? “Compulsive shopping or spending can be a seasonal balm for the depression, anxiety and lonelineness during the December holiday season.”(Professor Ruth Engs, RN, EdD, Indiana University)

We may laugh at the term Shopoholics, and it was treated lightly in the movie by the same name. But overspending, like overeating, can be as serious a problem as any of the “isms” such as alcoholism. How much is enough when it comes to spending and eating and what exactly are we trying to accomplish with our indulgences? Pick your answer: To be social, to have fun, to avoid or distract ourselves from uncomfortable feelings, to feel better? The first two choices can be guilt free, the third one gets us in trouble because it works only temporarily. Then? We compulsively repeat the behavior, hoping to feel better, or to get high, to avoid all those uncomfortable feelings that come up in life.

Gently ask yourself these questions. They’re meant to help you understand more about your eating and spending:

Did you throw all rules for how much to eat or a spending budget out the window and really overindulge? If so, are you feeling guilt or remorse? Or wondering how to get back on track? Do you have other ways to soothe uncomfortable feelings that don’t have a downside – such as exercise, talking to a friend who’ll tell you the truth, journaling, yoga, a coach or counselor?

Overeating and overspending are behaviors that often go together. Here are suggestions to start the New Year off right, get back on track and have a more conscious Holiday season in 2012:

1)    Gently take responsibility for the overindulgences: Tally up the weight gain and amount of money owed.

2)    Make a realistic plan – A) How much weight am I going to lose by what date? 1 pound a week is realistic – avoid drastic diet loss programs – they don’t work long term. B) What amount of money can I put toward paying off my credit cards each month? C) How will I hold myself accountable? For weight – have an accountability partner, join Weight Watchers or Food Addicts Anonymous? For debt – take a financial awareness course like Dave Ramsey, or speak with a money coach (like myself). 

3)    Understand that the drivers of compulsivity are often feelings. Feelings of anxiety, depression, STRESS that are normal parts of life. Learn to go into those feelings safely, preferably daily. An easy to use guide is TARA (Touch, Accept, Release, Action) available as a FREE download at www.coachingformodesto.com on right side of page. (from Intentional JOY: How to Turn Stress, Fear & Addiction into Freedom 2009)