Mature Enough to Make More Money - and Keep It?

I work with women in business who want to make more money. Some have what it takes, some don’t. How do we know?

A friend shared a story from T. Harv Ecker of Millionaire Mindset fame. He’s made a lot of money; from what I can tell mostly from teaching people how to make more money. 

He says making more money is sort of like ice cream. We have to be mature enough to earn the right to a double or triple scoop. You know how you take your 5 year old to the ice cream store and they’re all excited to eat ice cream. You're thinking one scoop is plenty. But then they see a 10 year old who has two scoops. Or grown ups with a banana split. Now they're not satisfied. They want two scoops. They throw a fit, but, you let them know that’s it. One scoop. On the way out of the store, plop goes their ice cream. "See, you tell them. You weren’t ready for more than one scoop." After a couple of experiences, they figure out what it takes to handle one scoop. Then they're ready for more.

It's the same with money. In the beginning of our life, we're not ready for more money. Most of us make lots of mistakes with money. We open credit cards, ring up balances, get into debt, overshop or overspend. We haven't yet earned the right to more money.

If we learn from our money mistakes, it matures us. We begin to understand our relationship with money and what it takes not only to make it but to keep it. As Robert Kiyosaki says, 'it’s not about how much money you make, it’s about how much you keep." Play his game Cash Flow sometime. It’s like Monopoly on steroids and very quickly demonstrates where you're really at with your money consciousness.

Financial maturity takes practice and patience. Enjoy and learn from your one money scoop until you're ready for two, or more.

Money Doesn't Just Talk - It Screams

“Money doesn’t just talk, it screams.”  Bob Dylan

Americans are waking up to the fact that the super-wealthy have been ripping off the other 99% of us.  Now that we’ve noticed, we’re pretty angry about it. Hence, all the Occupy Wall Street factions. Before this realization we were blaming ourselves for our money problems or in denial, or waiting for things to turn around. But there’s something about all those millions of folks losing their homes and jobs that has finally got our attention.

I don’t know if America is still the land of the free and home of the brave. But we certainly are an economically unequal society. Quite. According to the CIA reported in the NY Times, *“the U.S. is more unequal a society than Tunisia or Egypt.” Ow!

Did you know that the *400 wealthiest Americans have a combined net worth greater than the bottom 150 million Americans?  That from 2002 to 2007, 65% of the economic gains went to the richest 1%?

Financial stress is affecting 75% of Americans according to the American Psychology Association. But, inequality is not just stressful, it’s bad for business. A study shows that of 65 industrial nations, the less equal countries experience slower growth.* That’s us folks. From the 40s to the 70s equality and growth were strong in America. Since the 70s a downward spiral.

I’m hopeful though. When Americans finally wake up – remember the 60s – we WAKE UP. It’s time to take the anger we’re experiencing at the banks and corporations and channel it into options for the greater food, and I don’t mean stock. Anger can fuel creativity, action and massive changes. After all, our collective scream got B of A’s attention.

(*NY Times, Oct 16, 2011, America’s Primal Scream)

The Lizard Brain on Money: Why More $$ Is Never Enough

When does the "gotta have it- want it now" lizard brain run over the rational, logical neocortex when it comes to how much money is enough?  When the drug of "more is better" is fed over and over again with repetition.  Dr. Peter C. Whybrow, author of "When More Is Not Enough," and chairman of the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA), connects the dots between the world economic meltdown and the ancient lizard brain that hoards for a rainy day. He states that even when there is an abundance of food and goods, the reptilian brain still acts as though there is deprivation.  Michael Lewis, author of Boomerang, in a recent Vanity Fair article points to an interesting piece of trivia: overlay a color-coded map that highlights American personal credit over the Center for Disease Control’s map for obesity and you get a similar pattern.  No big surprise there - overindulgence in one area of our life slips over into other areas.*(from http://www.mb.com.ph/articles/339566/lizard-brains-and-financial-crises).

As an addiction specialist what I know from 20+ years in the addiction field, hundreds of clients and research for Intentional JOY: How to Turn Stress, Fear & Addiction into Freedom, is that whatever we repetively do trains the brain, either positively or negatively. As Dr. Whybrow says, "If you follow the path of self-indulgence often enough, eventually you will lose the ability to self-regulate, (which is) a higher brain function."  

In simple language that means that in times of plenty the reptilian or lizard brain doesn't know how to adjust it's hoarding instincts.  Addiction anyone? I look at addiction as a continuum. At one end of the continuum are those of us in American culture that have no addictions and the other end are those whose lives are completely unmanageable with their addictions. These are the folks who have major financial, relational or health problems because of their addictions. Most of us lie somewhere in between and we still have choice.

I think the world financial crisis has the potential to awaken us to not only the mistakes we've made with money but to change the addictive beliefs that MORE will make us happy. Research shows that's an illusion and that once basic needs are met, more does not increase lasting happiness. Instead, to get the reactive lizard brain under control we need to face our fears, figure out how much is enough, and practice the discipline of daily right action. 

Women: Are You a Compulsive Spender?

Are You a Compulsive Spender?    

Take this short quiz*:

1) Do you shop, (in stores or on the net) to escape feeling stressed**, bored, lonely, empty, defeated, angry or scared?

2) After a setback or disappointment, does it feel like spending money will help you feel better? (It does, temporarily.)

3) Does your shopping or spending create conflicts for you, or between you and others?

4) When you shop or buy something, does your mood change?

5) Are you unable to enjoy your purchases because you feel guilty or bad?

If you answered YES to any of these you may be using money or shopping as a way to regulate your feelings or self-esteem.

First of all, good for you for taking time to get honest. Have you tried any of these to change your behavior? Promised to never overspend again to a spouse or yourself? Cut up your credit cards? One woman froze hers. That’s a pretty good in-between strategy and works similarly to not keeping sweets in the house when dieting and slowing down the time between "gotta have it" and buying creates more choice).

But creating superficial limitations are bandaids on spending problems. The real solution comes from dealing with the feelings that are driving the behavior and by being willing to explore your relationship with money.

Try this:  Next time you want to shop put the PAUSE BUTTON** into effect and check in with yourself before you go shopping. Ask: Am I stressed, bored, or anxious?  If so, about what?  Notice where in your body you the feelings are – belly, head, heart? Then take 10 deep breaths and with each exhale imagine breathing out the uncomfortable feelings.  Then, decide if you want to shop or not, and try to stay conscious of how much your budget allows.  Next Step: Find out what drives your money story.

3 Big Mistakes Women Make With Their Money

Why do so many women have issues with their money? One reason is that talking about money is more taboo than sex. We don’t talk about it. Let’s face it, we don’t even like to think about it.  I understand. Let’s not think about money – let’s go shopping and make ourselves feel better. We humans are wired for instant gratification. There’s a chemical reward that comes from shopping that just isn’t there planning for retirement or putting a budget together. 

What are the big mistakes women make with money?

1) Women piddle away too much money on things they don’t need or that don’t build wealth.  How many pair of shoes do you have in your closet? How many pairs of black pants or jeans? I know, they’re different sizes - just in case. But…still. When you’re 80 and needing money for medical, or long-term care or a little fun, what kind of value will those purchases today really hold for you?

2) Women think retirement will somehow work itself out. The truth is that too many women retire in poverty and that women who get divorced or widowed are even more vulnerable. Deborah Price, author of Money Magic, says that most women that divorce or are widowed are out of money in 5 years. More than twice as many women as men lived in poverty in 2009, according to the AARP.

3) Women don’t understand their money story. Your money story is about more than your money - it’s about everything – everything we eat, drink, buy or fear. Our money story is about the meaning money has in our lives and the respect we pay to it or don’t. Here’s a start: Think about your earliest money memory and how that one memory has affected your life. Next: what's your greatest money challenge? Just taking the time to be honest with yourself about that is a move in the right direction. 

Greed & The Economic Crisis: Can Women Do It Better?

Could they do any worse? Most of us are rather clueless about what really happened to bring about the crash of 2008, but one thing is clear, while we are all in this mess together, we didn’t all put us in this jeopardy. Greed is the real problem. Yes, individual Americans have a part in creating this calamity. They borrowed more money than they should have. Credit was so easy to get and banks were so happy to push it. But, the real story is more disheartening than just the lack of individual responsibility.

This current economic roller coaster started with the deregulation of the banks in 1999 under President Clinton. This did two things. It unleashed the easy credit frenzy and banks could once again offer stocks for sale. In 1999 the Financial Services Modernization Act was passed which deregulated the old Glass-Steagall Act of 1933. That law was passed after the crash of 1929 to protect the public from banks. With deregulation,  banks were freed to unleash their greediness once again (hmm…. what we don’t learn from our past we are doomed to repeat). Deregulating the banks was like putting the wolf in charge of the chicken coop and expecting them to behave themselves.

The other greed factor and a “hidden cause of the current global financial crisis is that the people who saw it coming had more to gain from it by taking short positions (or by buying credit default insurance- in other words betting against America) than they did by trying to publicize the problem.” (Michael Lewis: Boomerang, 2011)

Here’s my question: If more women were in decision-making roles in Congress, banking institutions and large corporations, would this folly have happened?  One Icelandic woman, Halla Tomasdottir, noticed the financial crisis that was building in her country and quit her high-level position as the CEO for Kaupthing Bank in 2006. She didn’t like the way things were going. She started her own financial services business totally run by women. Her company is one of the few profitable financial businesses left in Iceland today. And, Bloomberg reported that while women make up only 3 % of hedge fund managers, their portfolios profited 55% more than men’s from 2000-2009. (Can Feminine Values Fix Finance? http://www.cnbc.com/id/44860469)  

Feel Like a Money Victim: Here's What To Do About It

Deborah Price, International Money Coach and author of Money Magic, says too many people feel like money victims right now. A victim is characterized by powerlessness, hopelessness, and blame which is often the result of a great loss. Americans have good reason to feel victimized - from job loss and downsizing to fear of losing a job if they don’t work unreasonable hours, to short sales and foreclosures - there’s a lot of economic pain to spread around. And, the emphasis is on fear, which is not a good place from which to problem solve.

We can’t afford to hang out in this victim mentality for long though. The danger is that the longer we collectively feel powerless, the more we get stuck in a fear-based, blaming, self-pitying problem oriented point of view.

David Kruger, M.D., author of The Secret Language of Money, says the major negative result of the economic crash of 2008 is that it created a “crisis of confidence.” The major purpose of the $700 billion bailout was to “restore public confidence.” In other words, the massive public-works” program was to keep us from escalating the fear that gets activated when we’re our brain is in the reptilian or survival part of the brain. What we need is to calm down and shift into the forebrain where logical problem solving can occur.

The good news is that American’s have traditionally been solution focused; not victims, but victors.  Practically speaking: when you find yourself in a state of fear, stop, take a few deep breaths, feel your feet on the ground, remind yourself of whatever you have to be grateful for – this simple action releases the STRESS overreaction of the reptilian brain and increases endorphins. Good decisions come from the forebrain. Repeat the calming method as often as needed and don’t make major decisions when you’re in overreaction or fear. Calm down, then problem solve.

Money Addiction and the Financial Crisis

Addiction is defined as:  "the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming." There are substance addictions like alcohol or behavorial/process addictions like overspending. 

Icelandic Money Lessons for U.S. Women

Did you know that the value of Icelandic stock multiplied 9 times from 2003 to 2007. The U.S. stock market, by comparison, was only doubling each year. This country whose economy had been based on the fishing industry for 1,000 years went into investment banking with a vengence. And, who were they emulating? The U.S. Guess how that turned out? 

Interviewed on The Daily Show by Jon Stewart, Michael Lewis, author of Boomerang, said that the Icelandic women went along with all the investment banking because the men were so sure of themselves.  But, when the market crashed in 2008, that began to change. Of course, by then the country's three banks had all collapsed and every man, woman and child in Iceland owed a part of the debt - $330,000 each.  There was only one woman in a senior position in an Icelandic bank and in 2006 she quit to start a financial services business entirely with women. Today her company is one of the few profitable financial businesses in Iceland. 

The message I'm trying to get across here is that we women need to be more involved in the financial decision making of our institutions and our country. We need to put on our big girl money pants, empower ourselves to make more money and to manage it well. (No, you probably don't need that 30th pair of shoes.) Then we need to create female run banking institutions, lots of small women owned businesses, and run for political office (only 16% women in Congress) and finally elect a woman President. The woman's touch is sorely needed today. This gender change of power is to balance things out - not to take pot shots at men because if you've noticed we're in big financial trouble in the world because of the traditional way things have been run. Enough.  Occupy Wall Street - yes - and let's start a Women Occupy Wall Street as well.

Wall Street Bankers Raped World Money System

The definition of rape is usually associated with a woman being physically forced to have sex. However, it is also "an act of plunder, violent seizure or abuse; as in the rape of the countryside," or in this case the rape of our world money system. Though hundreds around the world invested in the credit default swap market, 15 Hedge Fund managers went ALL IN and placed enormous bets that American finance would go up in flames. In other words they bet that the easy finance house of cards bank created would collapse and they could cash in. That's exactly what happened. Even though these financiers were betting against us, a few tried to warn Bear Stearns and later the goverrnements about what was coming.  But, the ostrich phenomenon kept everyone from listening, or most importantly, taking action, until it was too late.

The very sad and still scary part of this story is that the fall is far from over. The world economy has never had the kind of debt it now has. For example: in 2002 world debt went from $84 trillion to $195 trillion. To give you some understanding of the numbers: Ireland's debts were more than 25X it's tax revenues. Spain and France 10X annual tax revenues. No where to go financially but down. Iceland, (I'll blog separately about the lessons from that country) ended up with debts amounting to 850% of their GDP. The U.S. 350%.  Yow!!

If you haven't understood what exactly happened to put the money world in the predicament we're in, then read Michael Lewis' "Boomerang." He concisely explains the series of events that led us to the precipice we're on. Events that were predicted back in 2004. Here's a quick summary: In 2004 Wall Street created the credit default swap which enabled investors to bet against the price of any given bond - to "short" it. This is like default insurance on another person's investment. 

The Solution to our world financial crisis? No one really knows. But it's interesting that the "Occupy Wall Street" Marches have sprung up and people are waking up to the fact that SOMETHING different needs to occur with our financial system and the way corporations plunder while everyday folks suffer the effects. What do you think?